Friday, April 3, 2009

Doesnt Really Matter Now

I was being silly by deciding to go out with Tracy. I kept thinking how should I behave, can I still talk to her normally? But whatever reason, I still have to go out with her because cancelling the appointment is just doesnt make sense at all, may be this is what I call being mature, and try to differentiate between work and personal thing.

When I met her, i tried to avoid yesterday incident. However, it last for 10 minutes only and she started "I'm sure that Evelyn will get her leave, I'm really sure. Because my training and Jae's training are not confirm yet. I'm sure Intan will approve her leave"

I dont know why suddendly she brought out this thing, maybe she felt guilty? I dont know...

Then she started tell everything that Intan told her yesterday. The reason she has promoted because she just bought a house and getting married soon, so she needs money. (Please Boss, are you stupid or have you misplaced your brain? Dont you know who is tracy? Dont you know who is tracy's parent, cant you see all LV Gucci bags owned by tracy? Does she really need your promotion to make her buy house? Are you really stupid or I'm over sensitive?). Tracy told me she was abit insulted when Intan told her she need money for her house and wedding (as you know, Tracy's pride).

She also tell Tracy that she has made a huge effort to talk to Lawrence (director) so he can talk to big boss to promote tracy. "So, Tracy, the point is she has made HUGE effort for you and dont you dare to leave this company!"

Tracy kept convince me that she feel threaten by Intan and she doesnt feel happy about the promotion. She was telling me that she doesnt want their money and she hate the job, her father can still financially take care of her. And which then she decided to go for her 1st phone interview this morning with some publishing company! Honestly, I dont know how true it is, how true her feeling toward the job and promotion, how true she really can afford to lose this job, I really doubt it!

She is really nice as a friend, she side and help me alot. But sometimes I really dont know how genuine she is. I just feel that as long as she do me good, I will treat her the same.

This morning I woke up, I didnt feel angry anymore, even though still sad.
I keep telling myself that I will not work for people for my whole life, I will have my own business, i will have my right to do my own thing. So, I dont need this position especially under insane boss. Doesnt she realize that she is a pathetic manager? No one in the office side her, 'we just being nice ONLY infront of you. Everyone is bitching about you after that. Doesnt it pathetic?'

It doesnt really matter for me now. I cant trust anyone, anyway in the office!