Past 25 Years

Life that I had for the last 25 years 5 months 23 days

- Decent life, yup really decent
- Easy life. Yes, pretty easy, effortless life. Need anything just said it out, but have to say it to the right target :P ( Well well well it wont work every time though)
- Pampered too much by family. I'm blessed dudes, so blessed for it. I'm a spoil wreck!
- Run away from problems rather than solve it
- Worst come to worst, just let it go....
- Find new life as easy as blinking my eyes (take note, what I mean by this life is just a small part of my life that gave trouble to me, not my whole life like families n' buddies)
- Burdenless
- Depend my life to much and take everything that I have as granted
- Cry seems like can settle every problem (sstttsss...)
- I hate people force me to do things, even I knew thats for my own good
- Give up is so damn easy until I don't even know what 'give up' means.
- Pretty bad eh!
- Too much good life, I don't even remember when was the last time I struggled with life. Or I never have!
- Decision making, hmnnn... I barely decide for myself (*thinking hard* what big decision that I have ever made?) Any clue?

Good life eh! I really appreciate and thanks for everything that You gave me.

So, What I need and what I want to be from now on?

Not Happy

Is this life I wanted?

- Dont feel happy even closed cases
- Family and cousins visited but didnt have times for them
- Even have, mentally and physically were too tired to entertain them
- Made them worried too much
- Weekend haunted by worries
- Passed weekdays with demoralizes and uncertainties feeling
- Keep wandering why people never be satisfied
- Previous job too easy ended up felt useless and hopeless
- Current job feels too much!
- *Sigh...
- Cant stop here though
- Dont want to be a lil girl who always asked protection and kept giving silly excuses to stay in the comfort zone
- Have been moving too far, cant stop here or will become loser forever

BUT

- Still, too much (again)
- Still, cant find the bright side of everything
- Still, doing alot of readings hope to discover something useful
- Yes, it helped though, but
- Too bad, it just as instant as the thunder strike
- Friends ask ' why you have to continue if you are not happy?'
- Cant really have the answer for that

Still, waiting, searching and hoping to find the meaning of my life now

Tuing Tuing....

Weekend is here. No plans, no activities, no worries erghhh at least for the next 2 days LOL.
Feel likes going somewhere peaceful, simple, beautiful, quiet ( i must be dreaming now hahahha).

What I'm doing now is not really fun yet not torturing as well. So far, I have knocked around 2200 doors and got 194 people donate. I do not know it is a good figure to show or suckz. From the above number that shown, you all should be able to measure how thick is my face now. I welcome all rejections without trying to handle it then give a smile and walk away. Sometimes I worry one day my face will cramp because smile too much...

I don't know what should I up date now, coz I don't want to complain so much on what I'm going through right now. The bottom line is just NO turning point for me at this moment. So, everyday just looks forward for the weekends hehehhe.

One thing that I really wish I can get it now is a CAR. Funny thing is, I don't know how to drive LOL. Every time when I was traveling from east to west and standing in between of the crowd inside public transportation, I wander how nice if I have a car uihhhh.....

I think i write too much crap today. Honestly I'm freaking tired and just because tomorrow is weekend then I don't want to sleep. Weirdo eh!

The Hardest Things

Confident enough by saying "I know what I'm doing" , but hell, it is not, i don't know what and why I was doing it. Damn.
"Others can do it, of course you can do it too right?" simple sentence has brilliant meaning but has none feeling for me
.
Fighting with my own ego, keep telling myself that I'm doing the right things, yes I'm doing the right things (yeah.. I' m not killing robbing or molesting people Dahhhh stupid).
But it just didn't work sometimes. The problem is I'M SCARE!!!!!
What the hell I'm scare of huh? I DON'T KNOW...

This is the most pathetic moment when you stand in the middle of no where and confusedly convincing yourself that you are in the right path and you should just continue to walk even your HEART has a big hesitate to do it.

Oh geez... I think this blog will fill with all of my junks.
- I don't like knocking on people door at night
- I don't like to beg people for donation
- I don't like people slam the door in front of me
- I don't like working at night, I'm damn freaking scare of dark!!!
- I don't like those stupid citizen stare and scold me like I'm a bugger (What the #$#%$, I can even buy your HDB if i want. That's my ego tell me when I stress out)

I know, I know this is a process. Just sometimes I cant take it, I really cant bare with it. I hate forcing myself do things that I don't like. Now, I'm really pushing myself to do it. Don't know where is the limit but hopefully my limit is unlimited.

Up and Down

Last few days felt fascinating, today feel empty, tomorrow may be excited.
Easy to get motivated, pretty easy to fall down as well.
Try not to complain too much, try to think positively all the time, try to show the capabilities to others. It sound easy but yet complicated.
Full of hope yesterday, disappointed today, unpredictable tomorrow.
Thought perhaps hormone change causes sadness, doubt it though.

Jealousy and selfishness lead wind become thunder.
Simple things get worse because of simple 'thing'.
Your closest one might be your enemy, your enemy might end up be your buddy.
Setting a goal may give better direction; without a clear direction, how to set a goal?
All creatures have a dream, will the dream come true? or will it be just hang around your mind?

Love what I'm doing now, will love more if know what I will do for tomorrow.
Promise is a hope, what happen if a promise just be the promise?
Not regret really no regret on what's going on now....
It just freaking hard...
Out there tried to motivate, it works though but it wont last, it just like a wind pass by, as fast as clicking the mouse.

Instead of sympathy, prefer to receive normal treatment from audiences.
Sue really knows what she is doing now, so just let her do.

Finding New Life

Been working for 1 week, not really officially working though, just training. Just a week, yah just 6 days training, I keep asking myself alot and alot of questions. I really dont know where to find the answers. I'm tired asking people opinions. It is my decision, I have to bare with it.

Actually it wasnt that bad. So far I came back from training with satisfaction and happy feeling. Just today, I feel a little bit down. I know the reason why I felt that way though. I try to motivate myself to be strong and dont concern too much on small matters. I tried, but cant. Still, small problem is still a matter for me, I cant let it go... hikz.

This morning Liza sms and asked me to join her b'day lunch on wednesday. Gosh, I cant go because I have courses that need to attend. Felt bad then promised her to have lunch together on friday instead. Then, Ci Feny asked me to come over to her place to have dinner on friday nite to celebrate Rafael's b'day, I cant go neither because I got seminar that is a 'must' and cant be cancelled.

Its bad , pretty bad. I know my lifestyle wont be same as before. Perhaps I just need to adapt and make some adjustment with it. I really scare on failing and giving up before I see any result. I hope I wont do any stupid mistake eh!

Counting Time

Passed all the tests, but the excitement has gone. Dont feel excited anymore like few weeks ago before the tests. Start work immediately, no problem, ... if they allowed me to have break, even better. As you know insurance people are 'pushy". Ooppss... I become one of them soon, die lah.....

My bad feeling towards this job:
- No more nice + 'siau' colleagues
- No more online chatting
- No more 9 - 6 working hours
- No more gym, gym and gym
- Must wear SUPER formal
- Hot hot hot + perspire + sticky eeww!!!
- Make-up is a MUST arghhhh
- Working hours weird, 2 -10 pm
- Colleague should be suckx too (i guess)
- Customer might be nasty
- Prefer me to speak mandarin, aiyo.. my mandarin like nasi campur, Mandarin + indon+hokkien+english. You think the clients will understand what I said? hohohohohoho

( so far these are the bad things that I can think of it, I will up date u all after I joined them)
Erghh... seems like I got a mission to be an undercover to find out how bad is the company instead of joining them for good reason hahahahhahahha. Whatever lah!

Then, why i decide to join them?... ??????...???? good question, why ah?
hmnnn.... 'may be' yah 'perhaps', Im just curious and I got feeling that I will learn something new from them, even I'm not sure if I can even sell 1 policy in 1 month or not hehehehehehe. Yah, I just want to know how this business works, it might be fun though. But the tests are NOT fun at all.

If I faield, I might think of be a property agent hahahhahaha.