New Year - New House - New Housemate

I never appreciate time so much, but I do now!

In a month,
- Found 2 bedroom flat, viewed with mum, confirmed at the same day, signed contract the next day.
- Posted ads "looking for female housemate who willing to share EVERYTHING with me"
- No replied as the unit too exp and empty aka no furnish!
- Changed plan "master room for rent, fully furnish, female working professional"
- A lot of agents called, so I added "NO AGENT!!"
- A lot of couples called also, as I replied "the owner only allowed 2 person to stay including me" B***S*** lah....
- Finally, mid nite, sms came in, a stewardess showing some interest with the house
- Geezzz 4 am woke up read the sms, couldnt sleep until morning, worry and happy mix the feeling up!
- 7:30 am replied her back, as she called immediately.
- 8:00 am deal (with final confirmation after view the house), with a bad negotiation skills, I agreed she paid $900 per month including everything as she convinced me she wont be at home so often and hardly use AC due to health or habit problem.
- Well, not sure is a good deal or bad, as I provided all the furniture and will pay for all bills
*sigh...
- Put aside my housemate matter, SHOPPING time.
- Get $100 TV with 5 years old, thanks to Abho who acc me to pick it up
- $300 for fridge and washing machine, both just new born as 5 months used
- New born 3 door wardrobe from Carrefour $100
- Bed frame from IKEA, one for me, one for her (I love mine, so i spent abit more on mine and spent less for her hihihi)
- IKEA: Dining table set, mirror, table for each room, bookshelf for me, and more small tiny things (uncontrollable shopping once you stepped inside IKEA)
- Subscribed tv Cable and internet for $41 per month
-Everything done in less than a month.
- Now, packing + throwing + giving away

Tire but fulfilling. I was quite amased on myself.
Read it before "be thankful if you are tired by the end of the day, you have done alot!"
Now i know how it feel LOL..........

- Jan 2 is moving day, IKEA + Carrefour delivery day, chaotic.... cant imagine the house
- Yes, exciting, very indeed! But kinda sad living my room, the maid, aunty....
- But it will be better in the new place, I guess.

The Secret Keeper

I dont ask for it may be I shouldnt know about it.

When people told a secret, should I proud of myself by being the most trustable person in the world or should I hate that person by putting more burden into my life?

Both, yes, I did feel both way. Sometimes I might feel "Wow, they trust me so much till this kind of secret also tell me!" But sometimes "I dont feel like knowing all that nonsense, its non of my business."

The good thing by being a Secret keeper:
1. You know the most update gossip, yeah fresh from oven, faster than CNN.
2. Most of the times, you will amaze by the fact that you would never think of it.
3. Proud! As people trust me and they come to me for advice.
4. Know the whole story as both parties come and tell you from each of their point of view. (Most of the times I was surprise on myself on how wise the advice that I gave to both parties *wink =)

But the drawback:
1. Affected my emotion most of the times. The secrets become part of my problem after that.
2. It hurt so much when the secret is related to ME! I wish to never know about it.
3. Being hate by the "secret teller's" best friend as the best friend thought I took away their friendship. As the "secret teller" told me everything, now I become the new best friend of the "secret teller". What the..... Primary school scandal eh!

I'm so thankful that they trusted me so much, really appreicate it. But honestly, sometimes truths hurt.

I rather not to know how much you or others get the bonus or increment.
Before I knew it, I felt proud of myself, my performance and my rewards.
After you told me everything, I feel real stupid. The truth just run around my head and it hurts me so much.

It hurts when other side of people think I cant be trusted and people have to be careful with me.
I never asked for it, people come and tell me by themselves, then what you want me to do? Tell me what you want me to do!
You just jealous because no one trusted YOU, no one come to tell you the story, PATHETIC of you!

Decide Now!!!

Change Job?
- Love Citi as much as hate the boss.

Move Out?
- Where? With who? * sigh....

My wish list:
- Stay with Citi but transfer to other department, nice boss, nice colleagues. Want to join HR-Recruitment department if I have given a chance.
- Move out find nearer location with office. Morning shift is alright, but come to afternoon shift, it is freaking crazy. Chasing the last train and running from the office to the MRT station. Really a nightmare!

Please fulfill one of my wish!
Either one will do.....

Shame on Myself....

I hold the letter...
One sincere apology from stranger, it changed my decision...
Shame on me....

I HATE her, really dont how long I can bare with it.
Do I need the job? YES
Do I need the pay? Yes
Can I work with the colleagues? YES
Can I face my boss? Hell NO
Do I want to see her owl face? Ohhh God, please send her back to her "world"

Cant even want to see her face, how to work under her.... ohh Hell!!!!
Belle, if your read this.... "Fucking Biatchh" is too nice for her....

Shame on me.... *sigh.....

Meet my end, again!!!

That's it now.
I do hate myself on the decision, but I love myself most of the time.

My tolerance level is very low. My pride is too high.
The only way to solve it is to be PATIENT, instead, I choose to END it.

I was hurt, tired and still HATE her so much.

I have no plan, i just want to leave that place, its been year and half and I never have a glad feeling towards her, instead my hate feeling toward her is growing. I'm going to kill myself first before she died.

These two days is just like hell!
The frustration, anger, depression and confusion are there.
Keep telling myself cool down, try to think in lateral way.
What the hell, I dont even know what is Lateral thinking.

I know I have made a wrong decision in this time, but I just want to end it!

New Worries

The meeting with Susan went well. I reachedto her training place early so she invited me to join the training session on "Presentation Skill". Quite fun though'

Initially I was thinking to have drink with her, but she prefers to have slow walk to MRT station, I didnt mind. I told her how's my work, which i didnt mention the main reason is my boss. I told her that there are some changing of the department structure wich I dont think I like it.

During our walk and talk, she did some shoppings at Body Shop, funny right? I tried not to be ackward though hihihi.

Ok, continue the talk. She awared that I cant do sales and I have difficulties in talking to strangers. So RM is OUT!!!
She say "How about Marketing?"
But I dont think I really suit Marketing, so I didnt response much, in fact, I mentioned about HR.
Once the 'HR word' came from my mouth, Susan's face turned bright.
"That's what in my mind too, that's what I wanna say to you."
Well, from there onwards, we talked about HR thingy.
On thing that I caught from the conversation was, she never mentioned about change company, she told me that Citi is a good company. But why all the senior directors left Citi?

Now my worries:
- The earliest I can escape from the hell is mid of March next year.
- If I'm lucky, i will get transfer immediately by that time *doubt so!
- Dont know if my boss will give good referal?
- Whether HR side has opening? If not, then have to stay on....
- How long I have to stay with this boss if all the above never happened?
- Arghhhh!!!

No solid answer, uncertainty pretty much!

Anyway, we end the conversation at City Hall mrt and sure we will keep in touch :).

Thanks Sue.

Am I really met an Angel?

Past 2 days I attended Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills training course which my company assigned me to go.
Basically the course was about to find out whether you are Extrovert, Introvert, Sensing, Intuitive, Thinking, Feeling, Judgement or Perceptive. If you want to find out more about it, go google it :).
My result was ISFJ, so I am Introvert, Sensing, Felling and Judgement.

Well, the most surprising thing that happened to my life was I became more Extrovert in the class that I have ever realized. I talked, argued and expressed myself in the class like no one business. I felt like I'm not Sue and instead Jae is in my body. (oh Jae oh...)
Whole class was complaining that I shouldnt belong to Introvert group because I talked to much. But the result proved that I am Introvert.

I was amazed by myself and I love myself I really do LOVE myself in these 2 days. BUT... after the course I feel something missing now, i dont want to go back to old SUE, I feel that new SUE will have much more excitement and happier.
(Am I weird, or has anyone experience the same thing as me?)

During the course, we were asked to write problem that we are facing currently, so the whole class will discuss and solve it. So, why wait? this is the biggest opportunity to write down our 'heartless' boss issue.
Unfortunately, not even my trainer can solve it, she just said "I think your boss need love, just show your love to her Sue, I believe that Love can cure her" Oh Gosh...... what a compassionate advice.

After the class, i really feel something missing in my life. I scare, confuse, curious, and hunger for more advices. So, I decided to email my trainer (I dont know where I get my gut.)
Here the email that I sent out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Susan,
I just want to say thank you very much for these two days ;).
I was amazed on the theory that is so true about people personality which I never realized before.
I was also so amazed of myself, which I have never talked or expressed myself so much in the past 27 years (in front of many people).
I felt like I'm NOT Sue for these 2 days. Just curious, is it because of the course that encourage me to talk? or I have a different personality?
Anyway, I really love and proud of myself for these 2 days. Now I worry that I will come back to my 'real' self.

Susan, I have a question regarding my work and my personality (ISFJ).
I dont feel happy with my current job, and plan to look for other thing, but honestly I dont know where to go.
I did try sales (insurance agent) previously, not only fail but I still feel trauma with that job experience.

But dont know why, now I feel like taking RM (Relationship Manager) job which obviously involve sales most of the time too. But on the other hand, I scare of failure again.

Susan, do you have any advice for it? I just dont want to waste times anymore by trying trial and error.I just wish that I will get the proper one and stick with it, abit selfish eh! I know everybody will wish for the same ;)

Anyway, Thank you again for such a amazing course.

Regards,
Sue

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And 10 minutes later SHE REPLIED.....

Here the reply:

Hi Sue
My friends and family call me Sue - so we have the same name!
I'm glad that this course has helped you to love yourself - I was very impressed by you! : )
Happy to have a drink with you some time about career moves. Let me know where your office is and I'll figure out a time. If you're in Millennia, I'm there next week, so we could meet up and chat.
Do let me know.
Warm wishes
Sue
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was so touch, I dont know when was the last time I met KIND person.
Dont called me Sue if you think that I didnt cry when received the reply LOL.

I hope she will guide me or at least give some advices.
**** speechless****

Friends or friends

Actually I kinda miss them but now I'm abit angry, piss off and confuse.

Yeah, we were friends last time then all lost contact but with the magic of facebook, we all reunite. I miss all of them when someone posted our primary graduation picture, we all look innocent, ugly and small hahhaaha.

Well, we plan to have a reunion, but some of us just impossible to join in a short notice.
Since I'm going back for short holiday, I msn-ed one of my friend, here was the conversation;
M: Alo Lin, pa kabar?
E: baik, lu gimana?
M: baik...
E: Lu kok tiap kali pulang nga perna kontek2 sih, somse deh lu, padahal tiap kali ketemu mama lu, wa titip salam lo.
M: (What the hell) kok kalian begitu sih ngomong nya, makanya wa males mau ketemua sama kalian, blm ketemu aja suda di bilang sombong, wong ketemu kalian aja baru sekarang ini di facebook.
E: kan kita tinggal sekampung, kalo mau cari wa kan gampang aja.
E: hahahhaha rupanya takut sama kita toh hahaha
M: (is that funny? I dont think it is funny tho'!!)
E: makanya lain kali plng cari2 kita dong.
M: (I will NEVER contact u anymore.... then I ignored the whole conversation until she offline)

Gosh... my fault now? I believe I'm not the only one experience this kind of friend or am I?
Actually the purpose of me calling her in the msn to tell her that I'm going back soon, may be can meet up with other old Friends, but now... forget about it. I dont want my short holiday being ruin by all of them bombarding me "lu kok sombong banget si...."
The funnier moment, some friends who I didnt close with during school time can say out this sentence too "Asien sombong deh". The first thing cross in my mind "Were I close to you during school time? Did we ever talk?" Ridiculous!

Friends are hard to please!

Stress Dinner

ACE winner, the prize was supposed go to Bali this year, but due to crisis, company cut down the prize to "Expensive Dinner".
I knew it wont turn well *sigh...

Before the D day, I was stressed enough when I found out only me and boss would attend the dinner. But anyway still have "Boss" at least she will do all the talking with 'those' other bosses.
On the D day itself, I almost fainted when I found out that she wont attend the dinner but nicely will escort me to the restaurant (only located behind my office building) and introduce me to 'those' bosses. What the.... If giving a choice I better sick and sleep at home.

My colleagues and friends gave me courage and told me to take the opportunity to network with other bosses. Yeah, that was the only notion that I bought to the dinner.
When I first saw my crowd through the outside of the restaurant glass door, I was like.... WHAT?!! Is this what they call "Expensive Dinner?" with BOSSES?
They was sitting at the long table, total 8 people with me. 5 including me are the winners and 3 are VP people.
Well, as my expectation before the dinner was "THE DINNER IS TO CELEBRATE ACE WINNERS" and 5 of us should be the attention of the night. Am I right to say that?

Well, tell you about the dinner conversation later. Anyway, the dinner is buffet, it was not bad, I love the cakes. I did not have the appetite for the food, so after salad I went to dessert directly. They did question me, but WHO CARESSSSS!
Well, the conversation itself is all between 'them' senior people. They talked about 10 years 15 years ago, how the working life was like heaven, who was their boss, bla bla bla....
They mentioned on what type of people should come to buffet, who shouldnt (I think the subject is me hahaha, from salad to cake, skipping the main). Talked about drive from Johor to Singapore, pass immigration, fight with officer and all the traffic.

HELLLLOOOOO..... What am I doing there? Why they invited me (I mean 'us') if the topic is all about traffic, 15 years of nostalgia, oh yah, did I mention before that they didnt even "CONGRATS" us? Yup, they didnt.
And, one of the lame lady (I called her lame coz I dont understand high level people), asked me whether I want to leave first for twice without any reason. I swear I never yawn!!! Indeed, I tried to put on my best smile to show my interest on their lame topic urgghhh...

First time she asked me was around 9 pm, but I pretend didnt hear it.
Second time she say again "Sue, its ok if you want to leave first"
Then I say " Oh, ok. Then I go first yah. Thank you for the dinner (try to give my best smile). Good night all, nice to meet you all, bye bye". Then I walked out and flagged cab.

Good thing, I go home early, weird thing why she ask me to leave for twice. *Sigh.... maybe she was nice to ask me go home and rest, but other hand, I think quite offensive (Actually I'm the only stranger there, the other 4 winners are from same department so they know each other).
Anyway, its finished! I dont really care actually. I miss DEREK alot, if he was still be our regional Head, the dinner would be different. Hikx....
Now I'm waiting for my USD150 shopping voucher, certificate and trophy. I hope the trophy is nice, I should and deserve to get something better to balance up with that bad dinner experience. *sigh... Win also stress.... how then?!

What am I Good At?

I love to make card...
Yes, bought papers, accessories, 3 type of glues, etc. Started browsing Internet for inspiration, bought new diary to note down the ideas, got new folder for my papers.
Plan: Gotta make the card and sell it online.


I love to embroidery my singlet...
Bought 1 dozen of plain singlet and sent it over from home town.
Plan: After finished, will try to sell it online.


Result: FAIL
Not only wasting my money, now all of the raw materials are sleepng inside my rack and wardrobe.
What a bloody plan %$^#)!@
So far, only 1 singlet done; few cards done, but gave out for friends' bday, my ideas only visited the new diary once (to be exact, only 1 page).... *speechless


What am I good at and how can I turn that into business?

Last night after dinner with Risha and Nadia, I suggested on how to handle tough question for Risha's future job interview, Nadia say "Sue, why dont you try to apply consultation job"

Oh dear... if that how simple life is, no more jobless people in this society already.
** Wish you find a job soon, Nad!


However, sometimes I love Tracy's idea "Sue, you dont have to be good at anything, just go and find rich husband lah" LOL.
My boss has ever said "I dont mind to be his 7th wife if he is Prince Dubai" 2nd LOL.
Even my compassion-less plus hopeless boss agreed with it, then married rich husband is sure WORK!


Current job is alright, just recently keep thinking where should I go after 2 years? I dont really want to do same thing again and I dont see any career enhancement in this department. Browsing Saturday recruitment session wasnt helping at all. Either I go back to same job scope or I start all over from the bottom.

Starting own business? Oh yeah... who dont want? When capital enough and opportunity come.. sure will grab it! But when? GOD knows.....


IF got money, I will buy alot alot of houses and I will rent it out for investment. IF I got 10 houses and every year get return of 5 percent each house, I will be damn rich. IF plus I got super duper smart financial planner who can double my wealth every year, I can then beat Bill Gate. IF everything 'sui sui' run as the plan then I will retire at 35.......

But the problem is TOO MUCH IFFFFFFFF!!!!

Wake up lah darling! Haiz....

Udah ah, pembantunya lagi potong bawang... satu ruma bau bawang, blm lagi mataku perih... penyiksaan emang.

Doesnt Really Matter Now

I was being silly by deciding to go out with Tracy. I kept thinking how should I behave, can I still talk to her normally? But whatever reason, I still have to go out with her because cancelling the appointment is just doesnt make sense at all, may be this is what I call being mature, and try to differentiate between work and personal thing.

When I met her, i tried to avoid yesterday incident. However, it last for 10 minutes only and she started "I'm sure that Evelyn will get her leave, I'm really sure. Because my training and Jae's training are not confirm yet. I'm sure Intan will approve her leave"

I dont know why suddendly she brought out this thing, maybe she felt guilty? I dont know...

Then she started tell everything that Intan told her yesterday. The reason she has promoted because she just bought a house and getting married soon, so she needs money. (Please Boss, are you stupid or have you misplaced your brain? Dont you know who is tracy? Dont you know who is tracy's parent, cant you see all LV Gucci bags owned by tracy? Does she really need your promotion to make her buy house? Are you really stupid or I'm over sensitive?). Tracy told me she was abit insulted when Intan told her she need money for her house and wedding (as you know, Tracy's pride).

She also tell Tracy that she has made a huge effort to talk to Lawrence (director) so he can talk to big boss to promote tracy. "So, Tracy, the point is she has made HUGE effort for you and dont you dare to leave this company!"

Tracy kept convince me that she feel threaten by Intan and she doesnt feel happy about the promotion. She was telling me that she doesnt want their money and she hate the job, her father can still financially take care of her. And which then she decided to go for her 1st phone interview this morning with some publishing company! Honestly, I dont know how true it is, how true her feeling toward the job and promotion, how true she really can afford to lose this job, I really doubt it!

She is really nice as a friend, she side and help me alot. But sometimes I really dont know how genuine she is. I just feel that as long as she do me good, I will treat her the same.

This morning I woke up, I didnt feel angry anymore, even though still sad.
I keep telling myself that I will not work for people for my whole life, I will have my own business, i will have my right to do my own thing. So, I dont need this position especially under insane boss. Doesnt she realize that she is a pathetic manager? No one in the office side her, 'we just being nice ONLY infront of you. Everyone is bitching about you after that. Doesnt it pathetic?'

It doesnt really matter for me now. I cant trust anyone, anyway in the office!

I Dont Care

Ego's, self-center, naif, heartless, whatever you wanna call me, I dont care.
JUST LEAVE me alone, dont come to me and pour all your 'huge' non senses problem to me, I cant help and I really cant be bother. For heaven sake, it is not my problem, just dont tell me! not only cant help you, it affect my life, my thinking, my feeling, everything man!

I'm not as good listener as old time, I'm not friendly anymore, I dont care your problem, I cant laugh at your lame joke anymore, I cant talk to you or answer your phone after working hours, i just cant bring all of your non sense thing back home with me and affect my personal life. I got life DUDE! I got my own pressure. If you're depressed, it doenst mean I'm stress free. Just dont drag your problem to my life, I had have it ENOUGH!

Sorry If I was rude, but please dont come to me, I cant help you all anymore, I cant even help myself, I'm stuck with all of my unplanned future.

Please dont come to me.......

*Sigh...*

Basa Basi

I feel like writing something... but no clue.... hmnn...
Well, lets see;
Politic wise, so far it is alright. Boss on vacation leave for a week so no government. However big bosses will be coming down tomorrow and station in our office, so got to behave.
Colleagues are working and compromising well enough to each other.
Since I got many morning shifts, so around 9 pm, my body and brain will automatically stop operating for the day. Any call after 9pm will only be answered by tomorrow as early as 5 am :D

Socially, still hang around with the same and best folks ever, especially for makan makan events. Go to gym still, but not as routine as last time, blame on the changing working hours. Finished Salsa beginner class which then end up learnt how to move my hip together with comments that I dance like a jogger or my step is too big until my partner has difficulties to follow me(blame on the salsa class at California LOL).

Economically, OH NO!!! Need more cash, cash and cash! Hope the shares and stocks price will increase soon, I mean soon is really soon, in a month time??? I know its impossible but whos know MIRACLE, keep it positive! Also, hope Pandit doing good and really work hard for it, so at least I will get increment in September or at least those government wont kick our ass out from the building.

House, I mean room, I get used to it, in fact really feel like home now. (Mbak nya sering cuciin baju, soalnya dia sering pinjem hp buat telp balik indo, sogokan mbak nya. hihihihi. just exactly feels like home :P)

Future Prospect

This afternoon after my lunch, I have these conversations with my owner's maid;

Maid: Kak, kakak nga usa exercise lagi deh, percuma aja.
Me: ???? (feeling insulted and confused) napa emang nya?
Maid: Ia, soalnya badan kakak emang uda begitu, kan tulang kakak besar dan tinggi, jadi nga bakal bisa kurus lagi.
Me: (Gila aja nih mbak, bisa beneran g nga kurus kurus nih) Yah mbak ini, nga sopan deh, trus gimana dong kalo nga bisa kurus!
Maid: Yah nga apa apa, kan bagus mbak. Mbak jadi Polwan aja.
Me: Apa itu Polwan?
Maid: Polisi Wanita!
Me:???????
Maid: (Binggung, tungguin g jawab)
Me: Wahahahahhahah, yang bener aja Mbak, gimana jadi polwan, mbak ini ada2 aja deh, uda sana potong cabe (Lagi di suruh potong cabe sama auntie).
Maid: Serius kak, polwan itu gaji nya tinggi lo, kakak pasti cakep deh kalo uda pake seragam nya, tinggi - gagah. Aku aja pengen, cuma aku kan kecil, nga cocok pake seragam nya. Ntar anak ku uda besar, aku suruh jadi polwan aja.
Me: (Gila aja nih Mbak, pake tinggi-gagah segala) Mbak ini ada ada aja deh, itu mah cita2 mbak yang nga kesampaian, kasihan tuh anak lu suruh jadi polwan.
Maid: Nga kok, itu emang cita cita anakku waktu umur 3 taon, habis nonton kartun, dia bilang mau jadi polisi aja biar bisa tangkap penjahat, hahahaha.
Me: (Speechless!!)

Afeter awhile

Maid: Mbak mau kue lapis nga, aku potongin yah?
Me: Nga ah, kenyang habis makan juga.
Maid: (Maksa) Mau nga mbak, nih aku potongin deh?
Me: Nga mau, Kenyanggggg!!!
Maid: Habis nga ada yg makan juga, cuma aku sendiri, Mam Mei (auntie) nga suka manis, jadinya yah aku yang makan deh semuanya. Aku suka manis, kan aku orang jawa suka manis manis.
Me: Ihhh mbak nih, kemarin bilang suka asem, hari ini manis. kayaknya asin asem manis semuanya mbak suka deh.
Maid: hahahhaha, yah ia lah, kan kalo habis makan yang asem asem bisa langsung segerrrrrrr.
Me: Ah mbak ini, emang dehhhhhh. Udah ah, bawel deh, sana potong cabe, nah nah tuh, Ama panggil tuh, cepetan sana!!!!

Uih..... Gila, finally she left me alone. Thanks to Ama deh. Kalo nga bisa mati g, suruh jadi polwan segala. PARAH DEH!!!!
Tapi lucu juga pembantunya, baik lagi, sering jemurin baju g haahahha.