28 now...

What does that mean?

It means getting older, should behave more mature, think wisely, stop whining, eat healthily and exercise more =)

I had complain about my life so badly, but when I read and watched the news, I feel sorry and shame on myself.
How could I, how could I so selfish!
People out there lost their family, house, life and me... me... still complain my life is tough!
HOW COULD I!
*sigh....

Sometimes I wonder, is any one out there also lost and look for direction?
Have they found it? How they found it?

Some people say " dont be stress out, just wait, continue do whatever you are doing now "
But this is my life, how can I continue doing it when I didnt see future on it and I'm not happy doing it? I cant wait and keep waiting, I almost rotten here.
3 more weeks, yes, after that maybe I will feel 'thats it!' but am I really happy? So far, no sense of happiness.

Anyway... thanks for all beautiful people who came over this weekend to celebrate my bday. I really appreciate it. Muach muach muach for all of you =)

15 April 2010

Me in the office pantry this morning.
Saw 1 boss passed by, with good intention I greeted him,
"Good Morning"

He replied " Hi, morning.. +-#*@';"@*.....
Me.... Confused... What is he talking? I can't hear, I'm half deaf, I'm having flu...
Anyway, I still have to answer him...
Me: "Yeah" (cool rite, yeah will just answer everything.
He: just walk passed me....

I continue washing my bottle water and keep thinking... What did he asked me????
What....
I think I get part of it...
Yah... Keep thinking...
Think hard...
Got it!!!!

But... Shit...

He asked me " Hi Morning, HOW ARE YOU"
*sigh.....

Then I said "yeah....."

I'm dump!!!!!

I may go back for good...
Is it the best way? I dont know!

In this age, yet no direction for the future, quite pathetic.
I know I have to let go either one.
Singapore where I get all the freedom (which I like) but cant find any clue for my career,
OR
Medan where I MAY get some opportunities but.....

My heart 90% tell me I have to go back or my future will be rotten here.
Urgh..... look simple, just pack and fly back....
BUT........

My brain gonna explore soon.....

and

How am I going to tell my mom.... *sigh...

Another Tragedy

I forgot when was the last time i felt so sick *sigh...

Starting Thursday last week, whole body was aching, head spinning, eyes burning. Took an MC then.
Called boss "morning Intan, I need to take MC, I'm not feeling well"
Silent for few seconds.....
Boss "I thought you are suppose to work morning shift for today?"
Me "Yes, I'm in the office now and i just went to the doctor"
Boss "Ok, take care, bye"
Me "Bye".... (My Boss DAMN cool isnt it!)

Friday went back to work with giddiness because of the medication consumption.

Saturday feeling better, went out movie with Eve, have a Sprite without ice (I thought it might be OK! NO... hell). Saturday night, i was starting losing my voice. Sunday morning, worst, the voice really gone. But still have to go Jen's chinese new year open house.
Nice house, plenty of food. But I didnt eat those 'heaty' stuffs, I drunk plain water for whole day, i drunk 'cheng teng' her mom's made.
Sunday night, worst. My throat was very itchy, I was coughing, coughing and coughing. I felt like my lung was coming out from my mouth.

Monday morning, time to prepare to work for afternoon shift. Felt like dying, couldnt sleep whole night, heavy head, i just realize that I couldnt taste and smell thing.
I went to doctor at 12 PM, accompanied by Elaine and Eve, the Doctor gave me 2 days MC, he insisted I go back home and rest.
Happy and scare at the same time. How to talk to my boss?

Went back to office very early at 1 PM. After settled everything in my seat, I walked to her.
Me "Intan, I need to take MC" (my voice was shaking, I knew i will cry, argh......)
Boss " You need to scan it" she looked at my face and "What happen to you?"
Me - My tear was pouring down my cheek
Boss "What happen Sue?"
Me - Directly walked to the empty sea beside her, as I pai se, alot of people walking pass by.
Me - Still cant say anything, just kept shaking my head, the tear just cant stop.
Boss (freak out) "Sue, what happen, are you ok? Is it personal problem?"
Me "sob sob sob, no... no... I just I just...."
Boss (impatiently) "What?"
Me "I just tend to cry when I'm sick"
Boss "Oh my god, what the hell are you crying"
Me - Si be pai se
Boss "Ok, tell me what happen? you was sick last thursday and you were ok on friday right?"

Then I told her bla bla bla, of course skipping the saturday movie and sunday Jen's house.

Boss "ok ok, now you just go back home and rest, what the hell are you crying for, hehehehe" (awkwardly laugh).

Me, walked back to my seat and clean my nose, which almost run down from my nose.
When I cleaned my mucus, there were blood, now this is really WHAT THE HELL!
Eve "gila su, panas banget lu berarti"
Me "nga apa2 eve nih, serem gitu ada darahnya"
Eve "nga apa apa, aku juga perna begitu, panas dalam itu"

Gosh... why i cried... really look STUPID!
I think I was so sick and so scare at that time. Am I exaggerating here? *sigh.... bego bego, memalukan.

On the way home, i think my boss still freak out, she texted me "Sue, I noticed you got 2 days MC, so I will see you on Wed, take care"
Me, need to clear the crying thingy now, and reply "Thanks, I'm so sorry, I tend to cry when I'm sick, I just feel homesick. So sorry"
She replied "Poor girl, just get your SG friends to cheer you up then"
Me - never replied the sms, and hmnnnn my boss got abit heart too.

But still, very pai se... I hope no one saw me crying, I mean those from non our department.

New Year - New House - New Housemate

I never appreciate time so much, but I do now!

In a month,
- Found 2 bedroom flat, viewed with mum, confirmed at the same day, signed contract the next day.
- Posted ads "looking for female housemate who willing to share EVERYTHING with me"
- No replied as the unit too exp and empty aka no furnish!
- Changed plan "master room for rent, fully furnish, female working professional"
- A lot of agents called, so I added "NO AGENT!!"
- A lot of couples called also, as I replied "the owner only allowed 2 person to stay including me" B***S*** lah....
- Finally, mid nite, sms came in, a stewardess showing some interest with the house
- Geezzz 4 am woke up read the sms, couldnt sleep until morning, worry and happy mix the feeling up!
- 7:30 am replied her back, as she called immediately.
- 8:00 am deal (with final confirmation after view the house), with a bad negotiation skills, I agreed she paid $900 per month including everything as she convinced me she wont be at home so often and hardly use AC due to health or habit problem.
- Well, not sure is a good deal or bad, as I provided all the furniture and will pay for all bills
*sigh...
- Put aside my housemate matter, SHOPPING time.
- Get $100 TV with 5 years old, thanks to Abho who acc me to pick it up
- $300 for fridge and washing machine, both just new born as 5 months used
- New born 3 door wardrobe from Carrefour $100
- Bed frame from IKEA, one for me, one for her (I love mine, so i spent abit more on mine and spent less for her hihihi)
- IKEA: Dining table set, mirror, table for each room, bookshelf for me, and more small tiny things (uncontrollable shopping once you stepped inside IKEA)
- Subscribed tv Cable and internet for $41 per month
-Everything done in less than a month.
- Now, packing + throwing + giving away

Tire but fulfilling. I was quite amased on myself.
Read it before "be thankful if you are tired by the end of the day, you have done alot!"
Now i know how it feel LOL..........

- Jan 2 is moving day, IKEA + Carrefour delivery day, chaotic.... cant imagine the house
- Yes, exciting, very indeed! But kinda sad living my room, the maid, aunty....
- But it will be better in the new place, I guess.

The Secret Keeper

I dont ask for it may be I shouldnt know about it.

When people told a secret, should I proud of myself by being the most trustable person in the world or should I hate that person by putting more burden into my life?

Both, yes, I did feel both way. Sometimes I might feel "Wow, they trust me so much till this kind of secret also tell me!" But sometimes "I dont feel like knowing all that nonsense, its non of my business."

The good thing by being a Secret keeper:
1. You know the most update gossip, yeah fresh from oven, faster than CNN.
2. Most of the times, you will amaze by the fact that you would never think of it.
3. Proud! As people trust me and they come to me for advice.
4. Know the whole story as both parties come and tell you from each of their point of view. (Most of the times I was surprise on myself on how wise the advice that I gave to both parties *wink =)

But the drawback:
1. Affected my emotion most of the times. The secrets become part of my problem after that.
2. It hurt so much when the secret is related to ME! I wish to never know about it.
3. Being hate by the "secret teller's" best friend as the best friend thought I took away their friendship. As the "secret teller" told me everything, now I become the new best friend of the "secret teller". What the..... Primary school scandal eh!

I'm so thankful that they trusted me so much, really appreicate it. But honestly, sometimes truths hurt.

I rather not to know how much you or others get the bonus or increment.
Before I knew it, I felt proud of myself, my performance and my rewards.
After you told me everything, I feel real stupid. The truth just run around my head and it hurts me so much.

It hurts when other side of people think I cant be trusted and people have to be careful with me.
I never asked for it, people come and tell me by themselves, then what you want me to do? Tell me what you want me to do!
You just jealous because no one trusted YOU, no one come to tell you the story, PATHETIC of you!

Decide Now!!!

Change Job?
- Love Citi as much as hate the boss.

Move Out?
- Where? With who? * sigh....

My wish list:
- Stay with Citi but transfer to other department, nice boss, nice colleagues. Want to join HR-Recruitment department if I have given a chance.
- Move out find nearer location with office. Morning shift is alright, but come to afternoon shift, it is freaking crazy. Chasing the last train and running from the office to the MRT station. Really a nightmare!

Please fulfill one of my wish!
Either one will do.....