Choco Cottage

28 now...

2010-05-09T21:05:00.002+08:00

What does that mean?

It means getting older, should behave more mature, think wisely, stop whining, eat healthily and exercise more =)

I had complain about my life so badly, but when I read and watched the news, I feel sorry and shame on myself.
How could I, how could I so selfish!
People out there lost their family, house, life and me... me... still complain my life is tough!
HOW COULD I!
*sigh....

Sometimes I wonder, is any one out there also lost and look for direction?
Have they found it? How they found it?

Some people say " dont be stress out, just wait, continue do whatever you are doing now "
But this is my life, how can I continue doing it when I didnt see future on it and I'm not happy doing it? I cant wait and keep waiting, I almost rotten here.
3 more weeks, yes, after that maybe I will feel 'thats it!' but am I really happy? So far, no sense of happiness.

Anyway... thanks for all beautiful people who came over this weekend to celebrate my bday. I really appreciate it. Muach muach muach for all of you =)

15 April 2010

2010-04-15T08:33:00.000+08:00

Me in the office pantry this morning.
Saw 1 boss passed by, with good intention I greeted him,
"Good Morning"

He replied " Hi, morning.. +-#*@';"@*.....
Me.... Confused... What is he talking? I can't hear, I'm half deaf, I'm having flu...
Anyway, I still have to answer him...
Me: "Yeah" (cool rite, yeah will just answer everything.
He: just walk passed me....

I continue washing my bottle water and keep thinking... What did he asked me????
What....
I think I get part of it...
Yah... Keep thinking...
Think hard...
Got it!!!!

But... Shit...

He asked me " Hi Morning, HOW ARE YOU"
*sigh.....

Then I said "yeah....."

I'm dump!!!!!

2010-04-04T22:52:00.002+08:00

I may go back for good...
Is it the best way? I dont know!

In this age, yet no direction for the future, quite pathetic.
I know I have to let go either one.
Singapore where I get all the freedom (which I like) but cant find any clue for my career,
OR
Medan where I MAY get some opportunities but.....

My heart 90% tell me I have to go back or my future will be rotten here.
Urgh..... look simple, just pack and fly back....
BUT........

My brain gonna explore soon.....

and

How am I going to tell my mom.... *sigh...

Another Tragedy

2010-02-22T19:45:00.004+08:00

I forgot when was the last time i felt so sick *sigh...

Starting Thursday last week, whole body was aching, head spinning, eyes burning. Took an MC then.
Called boss "morning Intan, I need to take MC, I'm not feeling well"
Silent for few seconds.....
Boss "I thought you are suppose to work morning shift for today?"
Me "Yes, I'm in the office now and i just went to the doctor"
Boss "Ok, take care, bye"
Me "Bye".... (My Boss DAMN cool isnt it!)

Friday went back to work with giddiness because of the medication consumption.

Saturday feeling better, went out movie with Eve, have a Sprite without ice (I thought it might be OK! NO... hell). Saturday night, i was starting losing my voice. Sunday morning, worst, the voice really gone. But still have to go Jen's chinese new year open house.
Nice house, plenty of food. But I didnt eat those 'heaty' stuffs, I drunk plain water for whole day, i drunk 'cheng teng' her mom's made.
Sunday night, worst. My throat was very itchy, I was coughing, coughing and coughing. I felt like my lung was coming out from my mouth.

Monday morning, time to prepare to work for afternoon shift. Felt like dying, couldnt sleep whole night, heavy head, i just realize that I couldnt taste and smell thing.
I went to doctor at 12 PM, accompanied by Elaine and Eve, the Doctor gave me 2 days MC, he insisted I go back home and rest.
Happy and scare at the same time. How to talk to my boss?

Went back to office very early at 1 PM. After settled everything in my seat, I walked to her.
Me "Intan, I need to take MC" (my voice was shaking, I knew i will cry, argh......)
Boss " You need to scan it" she looked at my face and "What happen to you?"
Me - My tear was pouring down my cheek
Boss "What happen Sue?"
Me - Directly walked to the empty sea beside her, as I pai se, alot of people walking pass by.
Me - Still cant say anything, just kept shaking my head, the tear just cant stop.
Boss (freak out) "Sue, what happen, are you ok? Is it personal problem?"
Me "sob sob sob, no... no... I just I just...."
Boss (impatiently) "What?"
Me "I just tend to cry when I'm sick"
Boss "Oh my god, what the hell are you crying"
Me - Si be pai se
Boss "Ok, tell me what happen? you was sick last thursday and you were ok on friday right?"

Then I told her bla bla bla, of course skipping the saturday movie and sunday Jen's house.

Boss "ok ok, now you just go back home and rest, what the hell are you crying for, hehehehe" (awkwardly laugh).

Me, walked back to my seat and clean my nose, which almost run down from my nose.
When I cleaned my mucus, there were blood, now this is really WHAT THE HELL!
Eve "gila su, panas banget lu berarti"
Me "nga apa2 eve nih, serem gitu ada darahnya"
Eve "nga apa apa, aku juga perna begitu, panas dalam itu"

Gosh... why i cried... really look STUPID!
I think I was so sick and so scare at that time. Am I exaggerating here? *sigh.... bego bego, memalukan.

On the way home, i think my boss still freak out, she texted me "Sue, I noticed you got 2 days MC, so I will see you on Wed, take care"
Me, need to clear the crying thingy now, and reply "Thanks, I'm so sorry, I tend to cry when I'm sick, I just feel homesick. So sorry"
She replied "Poor girl, just get your SG friends to cheer you up then"
Me - never replied the sms, and hmnnnn my boss got abit heart too.

But still, very pai se... I hope no one saw me crying, I mean those from non our department.

New Year - New House - New Housemate

2009-12-29T20:00:00.002+08:00

I never appreciate time so much, but I do now!

In a month,
- Found 2 bedroom flat, viewed with mum, confirmed at the same day, signed contract the next day.
- Posted ads "looking for female housemate who willing to share EVERYTHING with me"
- No replied as the unit too exp and empty aka no furnish!
- Changed plan "master room for rent, fully furnish, female working professional"
- A lot of agents called, so I added "NO AGENT!!"
- A lot of couples called also, as I replied "the owner only allowed 2 person to stay including me" B***S*** lah....
- Finally, mid nite, sms came in, a stewardess showing some interest with the house
- Geezzz 4 am woke up read the sms, couldnt sleep until morning, worry and happy mix the feeling up!
- 7:30 am replied her back, as she called immediately.
- 8:00 am deal (with final confirmation after view the house), with a bad negotiation skills, I agreed she paid $900 per month including everything as she convinced me she wont be at home so often and hardly use AC due to health or habit problem.
- Well, not sure is a good deal or bad, as I provided all the furniture and will pay for all bills
*sigh...
- Put aside my housemate matter, SHOPPING time.
- Get $100 TV with 5 years old, thanks to Abho who acc me to pick it up
- $300 for fridge and washing machine, both just new born as 5 months used
- New born 3 door wardrobe from Carrefour $100
- Bed frame from IKEA, one for me, one for her (I love mine, so i spent abit more on mine and spent less for her hihihi)
- IKEA: Dining table set, mirror, table for each room, bookshelf for me, and more small tiny things (uncontrollable shopping once you stepped inside IKEA)
- Subscribed tv Cable and internet for $41 per month
-Everything done in less than a month.
- Now, packing + throwing + giving away

Tire but fulfilling. I was quite amased on myself.
Read it before "be thankful if you are tired by the end of the day, you have done alot!"
Now i know how it feel LOL..........

- Jan 2 is moving day, IKEA + Carrefour delivery day, chaotic.... cant imagine the house
- Yes, exciting, very indeed! But kinda sad living my room, the maid, aunty....
- But it will be better in the new place, I guess.

The Secret Keeper

2009-11-14T17:15:00.003+08:00

I dont ask for it may be I shouldnt know about it.

When people told a secret, should I proud of myself by being the most trustable person in the world or should I hate that person by putting more burden into my life?

Both, yes, I did feel both way. Sometimes I might feel "Wow, they trust me so much till this kind of secret also tell me!" But sometimes "I dont feel like knowing all that nonsense, its non of my business."

The good thing by being a Secret keeper:
1. You know the most update gossip, yeah fresh from oven, faster than CNN.
2. Most of the times, you will amaze by the fact that you would never think of it.
3. Proud! As people trust me and they come to me for advice.
4. Know the whole story as both parties come and tell you from each of their point of view. (Most of the times I was surprise on myself on how wise the advice that I gave to both parties *wink =)

But the drawback:
1. Affected my emotion most of the times. The secrets become part of my problem after that.
2. It hurt so much when the secret is related to ME! I wish to never know about it.
3. Being hate by the "secret teller's" best friend as the best friend thought I took away their friendship. As the "secret teller" told me everything, now I become the new best friend of the "secret teller". What the..... Primary school scandal eh!

I'm so thankful that they trusted me so much, really appreicate it. But honestly, sometimes truths hurt.

I rather not to know how much you or others get the bonus or increment.
Before I knew it, I felt proud of myself, my performance and my rewards.
After you told me everything, I feel real stupid. The truth just run around my head and it hurts me so much.

It hurts when other side of people think I cant be trusted and people have to be careful with me.
I never asked for it, people come and tell me by themselves, then what you want me to do? Tell me what you want me to do!
You just jealous because no one trusted YOU, no one come to tell you the story, PATHETIC of you!

Decide Now!!!

2009-10-14T11:44:00.002+08:00

Change Job?
- Love Citi as much as hate the boss.

Move Out?
- Where? With who? * sigh....

My wish list:
- Stay with Citi but transfer to other department, nice boss, nice colleagues. Want to join HR-Recruitment department if I have given a chance.
- Move out find nearer location with office. Morning shift is alright, but come to afternoon shift, it is freaking crazy. Chasing the last train and running from the office to the MRT station. Really a nightmare!

Please fulfill one of my wish!
Either one will do.....

Shame on Myself....

2009-10-04T19:21:00.003+08:00

I hold the letter...
One sincere apology from stranger, it changed my decision...
Shame on me....

I HATE her, really dont how long I can bare with it.
Do I need the job? YES
Do I need the pay? Yes
Can I work with the colleagues? YES
Can I face my boss? Hell NO
Do I want to see her owl face? Ohhh God, please send her back to her "world"

Cant even want to see her face, how to work under her.... ohh Hell!!!!
Belle, if your read this.... "Fucking Biatchh" is too nice for her....

Shame on me.... *sigh.....

Meet my end, again!!!

2009-10-01T09:46:00.003+08:00

That's it now.
I do hate myself on the decision, but I love myself most of the time.

My tolerance level is very low. My pride is too high.
The only way to solve it is to be PATIENT, instead, I choose to END it.

I was hurt, tired and still HATE her so much.

I have no plan, i just want to leave that place, its been year and half and I never have a glad feeling towards her, instead my hate feeling toward her is growing. I'm going to kill myself first before she died.

These two days is just like hell!
The frustration, anger, depression and confusion are there.
Keep telling myself cool down, try to think in lateral way.
What the hell, I dont even know what is Lateral thinking.

I know I have made a wrong decision in this time, but I just want to end it!

New Worries

2009-09-23T19:05:00.003+08:00

The meeting with Susan went well. I reachedto her training place early so she invited me to join the training session on "Presentation Skill". Quite fun though'

Initially I was thinking to have drink with her, but she prefers to have slow walk to MRT station, I didnt mind. I told her how's my work, which i didnt mention the main reason is my boss. I told her that there are some changing of the department structure wich I dont think I like it.

During our walk and talk, she did some shoppings at Body Shop, funny right? I tried not to be ackward though hihihi.

Ok, continue the talk. She awared that I cant do sales and I have difficulties in talking to strangers. So RM is OUT!!!
She say "How about Marketing?"
But I dont think I really suit Marketing, so I didnt response much, in fact, I mentioned about HR.
Once the 'HR word' came from my mouth, Susan's face turned bright.
"That's what in my mind too, that's what I wanna say to you."
Well, from there onwards, we talked about HR thingy.
On thing that I caught from the conversation was, she never mentioned about change company, she told me that Citi is a good company. But why all the senior directors left Citi?

Now my worries:
- The earliest I can escape from the hell is mid of March next year.
- If I'm lucky, i will get transfer immediately by that time *doubt so!
- Dont know if my boss will give good referal?
- Whether HR side has opening? If not, then have to stay on....
- How long I have to stay with this boss if all the above never happened?
- Arghhhh!!!

No solid answer, uncertainty pretty much!

Anyway, we end the conversation at City Hall mrt and sure we will keep in touch :).

Thanks Sue.

Am I really met an Angel?

2009-09-15T21:56:00.002+08:00

Past 2 days I attended Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills training course which my company assigned me to go.
Basically the course was about to find out whether you are Extrovert, Introvert, Sensing, Intuitive, Thinking, Feeling, Judgement or Perceptive. If you want to find out more about it, go google it :).
My result was ISFJ, so I am Introvert, Sensing, Felling and Judgement.

Well, the most surprising thing that happened to my life was I became more Extrovert in the class that I have ever realized. I talked, argued and expressed myself in the class like no one business. I felt like I'm not Sue and instead Jae is in my body. (oh Jae oh...)
Whole class was complaining that I shouldnt belong to Introvert group because I talked to much. But the result proved that I am Introvert.

I was amazed by myself and I love myself I really do LOVE myself in these 2 days. BUT... after the course I feel something missing now, i dont want to go back to old SUE, I feel that new SUE will have much more excitement and happier.
(Am I weird, or has anyone experience the same thing as me?)

During the course, we were asked to write problem that we are facing currently, so the whole class will discuss and solve it. So, why wait? this is the biggest opportunity to write down our 'heartless' boss issue.
Unfortunately, not even my trainer can solve it, she just said "I think your boss need love, just show your love to her Sue, I believe that Love can cure her" Oh Gosh...... what a compassionate advice.

After the class, i really feel something missing in my life. I scare, confuse, curious, and hunger for more advices. So, I decided to email my trainer (I dont know where I get my gut.)
Here the email that I sent out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Susan,
I just want to say thank you very much for these two days ;).
I was amazed on the theory that is so true about people personality which I never realized before.
I was also so amazed of myself, which I have never talked or expressed myself so much in the past 27 years (in front of many people).
I felt like I'm NOT Sue for these 2 days. Just curious, is it because of the course that encourage me to talk? or I have a different personality?
Anyway, I really love and proud of myself for these 2 days. Now I worry that I will come back to my 'real' self.

Susan, I have a question regarding my work and my personality (ISFJ).
I dont feel happy with my current job, and plan to look for other thing, but honestly I dont know where to go.
I did try sales (insurance agent) previously, not only fail but I still feel trauma with that job experience.

But dont know why, now I feel like taking RM (Relationship Manager) job which obviously involve sales most of the time too. But on the other hand, I scare of failure again.

Susan, do you have any advice for it? I just dont want to waste times anymore by trying trial and error.I just wish that I will get the proper one and stick with it, abit selfish eh! I know everybody will wish for the same ;)

Anyway, Thank you again for such a amazing course.

Regards,
Sue

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And 10 minutes later SHE REPLIED.....

Here the reply:

Hi Sue
My friends and family call me Sue - so we have the same name!
I'm glad that this course has helped you to love yourself - I was very impressed by you! : )
Happy to have a drink with you some time about career moves. Let me know where your office is and I'll figure out a time. If you're in Millennia, I'm there next week, so we could meet up and chat.
Do let me know.
Warm wishes
Sue
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was so touch, I dont know when was the last time I met KIND person.
Dont called me Sue if you think that I didnt cry when received the reply LOL.

I hope she will guide me or at least give some advices.
**** speechless****

Friends or friends

2009-07-29T18:02:00.002+08:00

Actually I kinda miss them but now I'm abit angry, piss off and confuse.

Yeah, we were friends last time then all lost contact but with the magic of facebook, we all reunite. I miss all of them when someone posted our primary graduation picture, we all look innocent, ugly and small hahhaaha.

Well, we plan to have a reunion, but some of us just impossible to join in a short notice.
Since I'm going back for short holiday, I msn-ed one of my friend, here was the conversation;
M: Alo Lin, pa kabar?
E: baik, lu gimana?
M: baik...
E: Lu kok tiap kali pulang nga perna kontek2 sih, somse deh lu, padahal tiap kali ketemu mama lu, wa titip salam lo.
M: (What the hell) kok kalian begitu sih ngomong nya, makanya wa males mau ketemua sama kalian, blm ketemu aja suda di bilang sombong, wong ketemu kalian aja baru sekarang ini di facebook.
E: kan kita tinggal sekampung, kalo mau cari wa kan gampang aja.
E: hahahhaha rupanya takut sama kita toh hahaha
M: (is that funny? I dont think it is funny tho'!!)
E: makanya lain kali plng cari2 kita dong.
M: (I will NEVER contact u anymore.... then I ignored the whole conversation until she offline)

Gosh... my fault now? I believe I'm not the only one experience this kind of friend or am I?
Actually the purpose of me calling her in the msn to tell her that I'm going back soon, may be can meet up with other old Friends, but now... forget about it. I dont want my short holiday being ruin by all of them bombarding me "lu kok sombong banget si...."
The funnier moment, some friends who I didnt close with during school time can say out this sentence too "Asien sombong deh". The first thing cross in my mind "Were I close to you during school time? Did we ever talk?" Ridiculous!

Friends are hard to please!

Stress Dinner

2009-07-28T19:31:00.007+08:00

ACE winner, the prize was supposed go to Bali this year, but due to crisis, company cut down the prize to "Expensive Dinner".
I knew it wont turn well *sigh...

Before the D day, I was stressed enough when I found out only me and boss would attend the dinner. But anyway still have "Boss" at least she will do all the talking with 'those' other bosses.
On the D day itself, I almost fainted when I found out that she wont attend the dinner but nicely will escort me to the restaurant (only located behind my office building) and introduce me to 'those' bosses. What the.... If giving a choice I better sick and sleep at home.

My colleagues and friends gave me courage and told me to take the opportunity to network with other bosses. Yeah, that was the only notion that I bought to the dinner.
When I first saw my crowd through the outside of the restaurant glass door, I was like.... WHAT?!! Is this what they call "Expensive Dinner?" with BOSSES?
They was sitting at the long table, total 8 people with me. 5 including me are the winners and 3 are VP people.
Well, as my expectation before the dinner was "THE DINNER IS TO CELEBRATE ACE WINNERS" and 5 of us should be the attention of the night. Am I right to say that?

Well, tell you about the dinner conversation later. Anyway, the dinner is buffet, it was not bad, I love the cakes. I did not have the appetite for the food, so after salad I went to dessert directly. They did question me, but WHO CARESSSSS!
Well, the conversation itself is all between 'them' senior people. They talked about 10 years 15 years ago, how the working life was like heaven, who was their boss, bla bla bla....
They mentioned on what type of people should come to buffet, who shouldnt (I think the subject is me hahaha, from salad to cake, skipping the main). Talked about drive from Johor to Singapore, pass immigration, fight with officer and all the traffic.

HELLLLOOOOO..... What am I doing there? Why they invited me (I mean 'us') if the topic is all about traffic, 15 years of nostalgia, oh yah, did I mention before that they didnt even "CONGRATS" us? Yup, they didnt.
And, one of the lame lady (I called her lame coz I dont understand high level people), asked me whether I want to leave first for twice without any reason. I swear I never yawn!!! Indeed, I tried to put on my best smile to show my interest on their lame topic urgghhh...

First time she asked me was around 9 pm, but I pretend didnt hear it.
Second time she say again "Sue, its ok if you want to leave first"
Then I say " Oh, ok. Then I go first yah. Thank you for the dinner (try to give my best smile). Good night all, nice to meet you all, bye bye". Then I walked out and flagged cab.

Good thing, I go home early, weird thing why she ask me to leave for twice. *Sigh.... maybe she was nice to ask me go home and rest, but other hand, I think quite offensive (Actually I'm the only stranger there, the other 4 winners are from same department so they know each other).
Anyway, its finished! I dont really care actually. I miss DEREK alot, if he was still be our regional Head, the dinner would be different. Hikx....
Now I'm waiting for my USD150 shopping voucher, certificate and trophy. I hope the trophy is nice, I should and deserve to get something better to balance up with that bad dinner experience. *sigh... Win also stress.... how then?!

What am I Good At?

2009-07-18T15:34:00.003+08:00

I love to make card...
Yes, bought papers, accessories, 3 type of glues, etc. Started browsing Internet for inspiration, bought new diary to note down the ideas, got new folder for my papers.
Plan: Gotta make the card and sell it online.

I love to embroidery my singlet...
Bought 1 dozen of plain singlet and sent it over from home town.
Plan: After finished, will try to sell it online.

Result: FAIL
Not only wasting my money, now all of the raw materials are sleepng inside my rack and wardrobe.
What a bloody plan %$^#)!@
So far, only 1 singlet done; few cards done, but gave out for friends' bday, my ideas only visited the new diary once (to be exact, only 1 page).... *speechless

What am I good at and how can I turn that into business?

Last night after dinner with Risha and Nadia, I suggested on how to handle tough question for Risha's future job interview, Nadia say "Sue, why dont you try to apply consultation job"

Oh dear... if that how simple life is, no more jobless people in this society already.
** Wish you find a job soon, Nad!

However, sometimes I love Tracy's idea "Sue, you dont have to be good at anything, just go and find rich husband lah" LOL.
My boss has ever said "I dont mind to be his 7th wife if he is Prince Dubai" 2nd LOL.
Even my compassion-less plus hopeless boss agreed with it, then married rich husband is sure WORK!

Current job is alright, just recently keep thinking where should I go after 2 years? I dont really want to do same thing again and I dont see any career enhancement in this department. Browsing Saturday recruitment session wasnt helping at all. Either I go back to same job scope or I start all over from the bottom.

Starting own business? Oh yeah... who dont want? When capital enough and opportunity come.. sure will grab it! But when? GOD knows.....

IF got money, I will buy alot alot of houses and I will rent it out for investment. IF I got 10 houses and every year get return of 5 percent each house, I will be damn rich. IF plus I got super duper smart financial planner who can double my wealth every year, I can then beat Bill Gate. IF everything 'sui sui' run as the plan then I will retire at 35.......

But the problem is TOO MUCH IFFFFFFFF!!!!

Wake up lah darling! Haiz....

Udah ah, pembantunya lagi potong bawang... satu ruma bau bawang, blm lagi mataku perih... penyiksaan emang.

Doesnt Really Matter Now

2009-04-03T18:42:00.002+08:00

I was being silly by deciding to go out with Tracy. I kept thinking how should I behave, can I still talk to her normally? But whatever reason, I still have to go out with her because cancelling the appointment is just doesnt make sense at all, may be this is what I call being mature, and try to differentiate between work and personal thing.

When I met her, i tried to avoid yesterday incident. However, it last for 10 minutes only and she started "I'm sure that Evelyn will get her leave, I'm really sure. Because my training and Jae's training are not confirm yet. I'm sure Intan will approve her leave"

I dont know why suddendly she brought out this thing, maybe she felt guilty? I dont know...

Then she started tell everything that Intan told her yesterday. The reason she has promoted because she just bought a house and getting married soon, so she needs money. (Please Boss, are you stupid or have you misplaced your brain? Dont you know who is tracy? Dont you know who is tracy's parent, cant you see all LV Gucci bags owned by tracy? Does she really need your promotion to make her buy house? Are you really stupid or I'm over sensitive?). Tracy told me she was abit insulted when Intan told her she need money for her house and wedding (as you know, Tracy's pride).

She also tell Tracy that she has made a huge effort to talk to Lawrence (director) so he can talk to big boss to promote tracy. "So, Tracy, the point is she has made HUGE effort for you and dont you dare to leave this company!"

Tracy kept convince me that she feel threaten by Intan and she doesnt feel happy about the promotion. She was telling me that she doesnt want their money and she hate the job, her father can still financially take care of her. And which then she decided to go for her 1st phone interview this morning with some publishing company! Honestly, I dont know how true it is, how true her feeling toward the job and promotion, how true she really can afford to lose this job, I really doubt it!

She is really nice as a friend, she side and help me alot. But sometimes I really dont know how genuine she is. I just feel that as long as she do me good, I will treat her the same.

This morning I woke up, I didnt feel angry anymore, even though still sad.
I keep telling myself that I will not work for people for my whole life, I will have my own business, i will have my right to do my own thing. So, I dont need this position especially under insane boss. Doesnt she realize that she is a pathetic manager? No one in the office side her, 'we just being nice ONLY infront of you. Everyone is bitching about you after that. Doesnt it pathetic?'

It doesnt really matter for me now. I cant trust anyone, anyway in the office!

I Dont Care

2009-03-30T19:47:00.002+08:00

Ego's, self-center, naif, heartless, whatever you wanna call me, I dont care.
JUST LEAVE me alone, dont come to me and pour all your 'huge' non senses problem to me, I cant help and I really cant be bother. For heaven sake, it is not my problem, just dont tell me! not only cant help you, it affect my life, my thinking, my feeling, everything man!

I'm not as good listener as old time, I'm not friendly anymore, I dont care your problem, I cant laugh at your lame joke anymore, I cant talk to you or answer your phone after working hours, i just cant bring all of your non sense thing back home with me and affect my personal life. I got life DUDE! I got my own pressure. If you're depressed, it doenst mean I'm stress free. Just dont drag your problem to my life, I had have it ENOUGH!

Sorry If I was rude, but please dont come to me, I cant help you all anymore, I cant even help myself, I'm stuck with all of my unplanned future.

Please dont come to me.......

*Sigh...*

Basa Basi

2009-02-17T18:42:00.002+08:00

I feel like writing something... but no clue.... hmnn...
Well, lets see;
Politic wise, so far it is alright. Boss on vacation leave for a week so no government. However big bosses will be coming down tomorrow and station in our office, so got to behave.
Colleagues are working and compromising well enough to each other.
Since I got many morning shifts, so around 9 pm, my body and brain will automatically stop operating for the day. Any call after 9pm will only be answered by tomorrow as early as 5 am :D

Socially, still hang around with the same and best folks ever, especially for makan makan events. Go to gym still, but not as routine as last time, blame on the changing working hours. Finished Salsa beginner class which then end up learnt how to move my hip together with comments that I dance like a jogger or my step is too big until my partner has difficulties to follow me(blame on the salsa class at California LOL).

Economically, OH NO!!! Need more cash, cash and cash! Hope the shares and stocks price will increase soon, I mean soon is really soon, in a month time??? I know its impossible but whos know MIRACLE, keep it positive! Also, hope Pandit doing good and really work hard for it, so at least I will get increment in September or at least those government wont kick our ass out from the building.

House, I mean room, I get used to it, in fact really feel like home now. (Mbak nya sering cuciin baju, soalnya dia sering pinjem hp buat telp balik indo, sogokan mbak nya. hihihihi. just exactly feels like home :P)

Future Prospect

2009-01-02T23:10:00.003+08:00

This afternoon after my lunch, I have these conversations with my owner's maid;

Maid: Kak, kakak nga usa exercise lagi deh, percuma aja.
Me: ???? (feeling insulted and confused) napa emang nya?
Maid: Ia, soalnya badan kakak emang uda begitu, kan tulang kakak besar dan tinggi, jadi nga bakal bisa kurus lagi.
Me: (Gila aja nih mbak, bisa beneran g nga kurus kurus nih) Yah mbak ini, nga sopan deh, trus gimana dong kalo nga bisa kurus!
Maid: Yah nga apa apa, kan bagus mbak. Mbak jadi Polwan aja.
Me: Apa itu Polwan?
Maid: Polisi Wanita!
Me:???????
Maid: (Binggung, tungguin g jawab)
Me: Wahahahahhahah, yang bener aja Mbak, gimana jadi polwan, mbak ini ada2 aja deh, uda sana potong cabe (Lagi di suruh potong cabe sama auntie).
Maid: Serius kak, polwan itu gaji nya tinggi lo, kakak pasti cakep deh kalo uda pake seragam nya, tinggi - gagah. Aku aja pengen, cuma aku kan kecil, nga cocok pake seragam nya. Ntar anak ku uda besar, aku suruh jadi polwan aja.
Me: (Gila aja nih Mbak, pake tinggi-gagah segala) Mbak ini ada ada aja deh, itu mah cita2 mbak yang nga kesampaian, kasihan tuh anak lu suruh jadi polwan.
Maid: Nga kok, itu emang cita cita anakku waktu umur 3 taon, habis nonton kartun, dia bilang mau jadi polisi aja biar bisa tangkap penjahat, hahahaha.
Me: (Speechless!!)

Afeter awhile

Maid: Mbak mau kue lapis nga, aku potongin yah?
Me: Nga ah, kenyang habis makan juga.
Maid: (Maksa) Mau nga mbak, nih aku potongin deh?
Me: Nga mau, Kenyanggggg!!!
Maid: Habis nga ada yg makan juga, cuma aku sendiri, Mam Mei (auntie) nga suka manis, jadinya yah aku yang makan deh semuanya. Aku suka manis, kan aku orang jawa suka manis manis.
Me: Ihhh mbak nih, kemarin bilang suka asem, hari ini manis. kayaknya asin asem manis semuanya mbak suka deh.
Maid: hahahhaha, yah ia lah, kan kalo habis makan yang asem asem bisa langsung segerrrrrrr.
Me: Ah mbak ini, emang dehhhhhh. Udah ah, bawel deh, sana potong cabe, nah nah tuh, Ama panggil tuh, cepetan sana!!!!

Uih..... Gila, finally she left me alone. Thanks to Ama deh. Kalo nga bisa mati g, suruh jadi polwan segala. PARAH DEH!!!!
Tapi lucu juga pembantunya, baik lagi, sering jemurin baju g haahahha.

Moody Saddy

2008-12-28T20:03:00.004+08:00

*Sigh....

Nothing really happened today, every routine was just ordinary, nothing unexpectedly happened.
It just the feeling that doesnt seem to compromise.

Did shopping for a while and ended up, as usual, impulse purchase again *sigh...
I thought it would make me feel better, at least, in what so ever reason. But Nah....
All stuffs are still beautifully sit inside the paper bag and I dont even bother to unpack it. Indeed, feel like return back all.

Was it because of 'it'?, I suppose too. Since the moment I knew 'it', my mood changed, i just couldnt control it.
I must have expect it too much, everything doesnt even start yet and I have already expected the ending, duh!

Or was it because of monthly mood swing due to hormone? It makes sense too I guess.

Or may be because of my office wear that i wore today was a little bit 'bang' and I didnt feel looks good on me? Nah... normally I dont care whether it looks good or not, as long as it is comfortable and I like it, it will be fine!
ARGH!!! Just want to find out what the heck is going on me today.
So irritating!

I suddenly miss my dad a lot. I was wondering, will my life be different if he still here? ~.~

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-08T17:16:00.004+08:00

I hope everyone feels as happy as I am :D, If you weren't then you HAVE TO!!!

It is Christmas! Happy, Joy, Holly time!

If you are stress because of workload, dont worry, you have to be thankful to have work to do during this global recession time.
Dont think of how much bonus that you will receive at the end of this year. If you are still working and hearing your boss say 'I want you to finish it by next month!'. That is your BONUS, at least you know that you have a secure job until next month =)

Want to celebrate Christmas but money tight?
Dont worry, get a 180cm Christmas tree at Carrefour for just $19.90 (hard to believe eh!), but dont compare the quantity k'
Try to decorate the tree by yourself, trust me, you will feel something special.
Dont know how to decorate? Easy, just GOOGLE it! hihihi.

I wish those who just lost their job, all the best and dont give up k'!
Just treat it as a long leave that you have to clear. Spend that time with your close one, families and friends. Just be positive that next year will be better.
Perhaps, if you have savings, take out small part of it and invest it in blue chip companies ;) (only small part k' NOT all!!)

I know and everyone know that the time is bad, it hit globally, but we cant do anything, we cant turn back or move forward the time, so just CHEER and walk through it.

I'm feeling happy even I am freaking miserably poor this month especially after paying my last month credit card bill *sigh... anyway, It just money and we can get it back soon. So, dont waste your time with this once a year joyful moment, ~~~MERRY CHRISTMAS~~~

*** Better to light up the candle rather than cursing the darkness that shrouding us.

Hope

2008-11-26T21:13:00.001+08:00

If What they all said that next year will be better, then I hope it better be!

Office Update

2008-11-10T20:26:00.003+08:00

No... not office update, it is a prison update.

Half hourly send email law has changed.....
Yes changed to 15 MINUTES once.... F%$^#)@ crazy rite?
Yah yah, everything happen, happen for a reason.
She got her 'reason'
This is the reason....
" I'm fully aware that I did not factor in breaks times. However, some of you have just decided, without consulting with me first, to do thing on your own way. It started with one person and words get around and half of you have made your own rules on how frequently I would be getting this report"
Then she mentioned, there are 5 people that need to send her email every 15 minutes . And separated email will be sent to those who receive the punishment.
Now 2 confirm since they are working currently, left 3 unanimously.

I'm sure I'm one of them who will received the medal. Why?
Because I was the initiator HAHAHAHA.
Since I was the 1st person who was working when this stupid thing was implemented, I told everyone that I didnt send out email during my break time. So, most of them follow me (Sorry dudes).

But, what the hell, its my break time, everyone entitle 1 hour to rest, be it you want to eat, pee, poo, sleep, jungkir balik kek, its all up to us. Who the hell think of need to send you email!
Haih... since I heard this news, I was really tired, I feel like throwing something to her face.
I even think of publish her photo to the STOMP or other publicity, with a header 'Cruel Office Bitch' .
I also have to blame her on my vulgarity words!!!!

So, the conclusion is, since we all dont care to send her email during our break, we can still dont send but now we have to send her email every 15 minutes during working hours.

Where is the justice? To whom we can complaint?
HR? We tried before, but end up we suffered more from that devil.

We can only talk to each other but there is no one from upper level will listen us.
Just hope next year ecomony recover fast enough so we can go.

Nightmare

2008-10-27T00:21:00.003+08:00

Its been a week, kept having nightmare every night.
The dreams so alive, I still can remember until today.

Chasing and attacking by an alligator.
In the dream, I was a huge turtle and teased by an apes with a weird black mark in its face.
Being forced to marry someone that I dont even know (I shouldnt wake up for this one, so I can see 'his' face LOL).

What's tonight then? *sigh.....

F*^#)%^ Office

2008-10-17T18:35:00.002+08:00

A lot of things has happened in the office. I like what I'm doing now but the environment is fucking unhealthy. *sigh... I cursed alot today

I tried to be fair to all, i dont side anyone coz I know If I side either party, at the end I will have pain in my ass. I told all of them that I wont side any of you, coz I want to survive in this environment, I have to cover my own ass first. I even told those who I care the most that just go office do your job and go home, dont care so much!

Well, being nice is not always be appreciated! I'm tired to be nice really, Should I just be a fucking bitch in the office just to force you all to respect me.

When I knew some of them plan to leave and resign, I advices others who I closer with to not get influence by them. If they want to go, just let them go. But at the end, my manager thought I was one of them whom influenced other to have a 'mass resign'. I really couldnt take it at that time, I even told my manager 'Yeah, everyone know that I'm best friend with her, and I know she want to leave this company, but DOENST mean that I will follow, I know what I'm doing, doesnt mean that my colleague go, then i will follow!' I was really pissed off at that time.

3 of my colleagues received a letter stating that their probation being extended for 3 months and it happened 2 of them are the closest colleagues of mine. So, the conclusion, my life wont be as smooth as normal. To make things even worst, there is a complaint queen (*bitch) in the office who always complaint everything to my bias manager. Sometimes I really dont know how she can become a manager with her lack of managerial leadership skills *sigh....

Today I received a call from my colleague said that the bitch doenst feel happy, the bitch say 'Sue said something behind my back, this morning Sue whispering to Risha and I'm not stupid, I know they are talking bad thing about me, I can listen to it!'

Then my colleague told me everything, actually she just want to clarify with me since we are really close and she want to know what and why I said something behind that bitch!

I was really pissed, some more I just woke up and damn tired bcoz of stupid night shift and I have few more nights to go. I was so angry coz I never said anything about her, I dont even remember when and what whispering that I did to Risha, unless I got short term memory!!! I got better thing to do rather than talk about that bitch, OK! Fucking idiot how dare she pinpoint me said something bad about her. The worst part, I'm sure she already complaint it to my brainless manager. I really feel like calling that bitch 'stop assuming and just shut your fucking mounth!'. But I dont want to drag my colleague who told me everything, inside this stupid incident.

Sorry to my colleague, I didnt mean to scream and curse on her on the phone. She said that she shouldnt tell me if she knew I would this piss. Of course I piss, how would you feel if people pinpoint you on something that you never do! Tell me about it man!!!!!

I really tried not yo get in deep relationship with anyone in the office since all the politics are created. My colleague told me 'Sue, do you know that being the good one not always be appreciated?' I know, I dont need your appreciation, just leave me alone and dont push my limit! If I never do it, its mean i never do it, dont simply pinpoint other and I'm sure none of human being with brain and feeling like to be pinpointed!!!

I decided will bring this issue to the head of HR next week. I dont even bother to talk to my manager. I really cant survive if this thing keep on coming.

Miserable Night Shift

2008-10-16T16:14:00.002+08:00

My night now turn to a miserable shift. It is ok without pedi-mani, watching dvc, or browsing Internet, but without SLEPPING..... it is too much *sob....

New regulations from the manager, for night shifters and weekend shifters, every half-hourly has to send her email stating what we did for the past half an hour. Can you imagine, every half hourly!!!!!!!!

Last night was the first night the rule has been implemented and that was my shift, freaking shit right! and I still have 6 more night shifts until end of this months. We (me and my colleague) can only resting and try to remind each other to send out the emails. *sigh.... what a nightmare.

All of them make fun of my eyes, "Su, poor your new eyes!'. Exactly, poor my eyes!!!

Eye Surgery

2008-10-03T23:42:00.019+08:00

Well, I did it =)

I wasn't that brave though, I was really scare. Even though I felt nothing during the surgery because of the anaesthetic effect but I knew what the doc did to my eye; I could hear the cutting sound (tsek tsek tsek) when the doc cut my upper eye skin. The sound exactly just like when you cutting a paper. I smelt some burning at the end of the operation, I guess the doc was using kind of laser thing (not really sure and forgot to ask the doc after that).

This was my eye before the surgery. I sent this pic to the doc before surgery for consultation. When the D day, the doc told me that the puffy eyes are not only contain of fats, it might because of excess skin or the eyes' texture itself.

Then without any big preparation, the nurse lead me to the operation room and start inject the anaesthetic. It was hurt though, 3 times for each eye. The surgery process I think only took 30 minutes, but if including anaesthetic and rest after surgery, it took around an hour. Fast yah!

I didnt feel pain at all after surgery just a bit giddy, I still in shock may be hahahha. Then after that, we went to grocery store near our house and went to buy Dunkin Donuts. Jae's insisted that Korea's Dunkin is better. On the way home, we still stop for some snack hahahha.

This was my eye condition right after the surgery, really not painful but abit hard to open my eye. On the first day itself, after rested for few hours, we went out for night shopping and reached home around 2 am. I know it was bad for my eye =(

So, for the first few days i have to put either ices or cool eye pad on to my eye. Most of the time they would make fun of me and took picture on it. This pic look like chicken little with goggle hahahha.

Then the rest you can see the discovering process from day to day. The second day after surgery we directly went for a tour to Jeju and Busan due to time constraint hehehehe. Hantam trus deh!!!

2nd Day in Jeju, during tour (look like monster eh!)

3rd Day in Jeju, during tour

4th Day in Busan, after The Hot Spring Spa

5th Day in the train, way back to Seoul and also the day I have to go back to the doc to take out the stitches.

6th Day, no more stitches

7th Day, on the flight to Hongkong

8th Day, I believe this was like 90% recovery =) Yeay...

I do really recommend this doctor (no commission though hehehe). If someone interested, you can email the doctor directly and this is the website (http://drpark.co.kr/index.htm) My doc is Dr Park, with curly broccoli hair hahaha.

And this website, http://www.plasticsurgery.org/patients_consumers/procedures/procedure-animations.cfm, was the one I found out in the internet about the surgery process.

So, after everything, I still cant believe that I did it hahaha. I think this was the craziest thing that I ever decided to do after a tattoo 3 years back =)

No Daily Routine

2008-08-31T21:30:00.000+08:00

I dont know I should say it the best or worst day in the week.

Woke up in the morning, packed my gym stuff and ready to go. Planned to attend beach body class at 1:20 then follow by body balance and then step class.
Since I reached Bugis early, not even 11, so I visited Starbucks for breakfast, latte and bagel (gosh, I dont know how long already I never tasted bagel, It was so good!)

Well, I was reading my 'Marshmallows for Breakfast' and the time was around 12 pm. I dont know whether I was addicted to the story or the weather made me really hesitate to leave my chair. I started thinking 'ok, if I skip today beach body class, I can still join the same class tomorrow morning and make up for it, since you now, according to research it isnt good to do same exercises in 2 days' (pardon me if I made wrong research lol).

So, I text Mikie asked what is she doing after her church. Time passed 12:30, still no reply. Well, I told myself, I will skip beach body class and will join Step class at 3:40 and Zumba perhaps, coz' I cant just stop reading (another excuse). Then time passed so fast plus it was raining. Now the time passed 2 pm. Damn fast!!

To be honest, I was really no mood for exercises. I really sit from 11:30 to 4 pm and I can feel my butt was hurting. Finally I decided to leave at 4 plus. I was telling myself that I got to eat something before I go home, but I think the caffeine still in my stomach, I didnt feel hungry at all. I just ate 1 bagel and 1 medium vanilla latte though.

I walked to the food court, no appetite at all, then I decided to buy fruit (I'm having bad mouth ulcers again *sigh) and went down to basement to have Soup Spoon. I tried minestrone, it wasnt bad, but I still prefer clam chowder and tomato basil =)
Then i visited cold storage as usual and get my peanut butter and quaker oatmeal.

I reached home and suddenly I remembered that I still havent finished watching Ugly Betty. So, the conclusion is after reading whole afternoon, I spent my whole evening until now (just finished) watching Ugly Betty in YouTube. I finished season 2, cant wait for season 3 hihihihi.

Yeah, this is how I spent my off day, duhh... I think i love my work days more from now on =D

Friends

2008-08-01T18:59:00.000+08:00

It was just promises, convinsing conversations and sweet talks, which you and me knew at the end it will turn to dust, turn to nothing *sigh
Only took couples of months, it started with nobody, then became friend and the relationship growth stronger became like a family.
I was blessed to have a chance to know you, but somehow I wasnt sure you are sincere with me as a friend and almost like a wanna be family (you are the one who always plant this seed into my brain), sadly speaking, i guess you forgot about it and you werent sincere.

Well, its just disappointment for me in making friend. I thought i was smart enough to choose human being to be my friends but i was wrong again. What a life eh!
I was proud of you when we met, yes indeed, I followed almost 100% on whatever you told or guided me. However, it turned abit annoying after awhile, you werent guide me anymore but more on forcing me. But, still, i never thought we have to end our friendship just like that. I dont expect to talk face to face to you but at least virtually, cant we?

I have already let go all of the hopes. There is no loss to lose a friend like you, I guess. I knew that we come from different worlds, i knew you are disappointed with my last decision but I hope you can respect it, anyway, it is my life, I'm the one who suppose to decide and not anyone else. Last message for you 'I'm doing alright now, I love my life and I never regreted on my last decision =)'

Just these few days I was keep thinking why why and why we cant be friend? You were the one who always said always keep in touch, but what happen then???

Past few days a friend told me 'Not everyone can be friend with, even your best friend can become your enemy one day' *sigh

Friends......

Complaint...

2008-07-08T00:06:00.001+08:00

Its been awhile everything just sail smoothly.
Now the problems come, feel a bit cracking
Why everything must appear at the same time?
Too smooth? complaint... Too challenging? complaint too
So, What the diff? Life is full of complaining

Try to be as kind as possible
Dont bother others' problem, hope to be left alone peacefully too
But things do not turn up well
Others just unhappy to see others happy
Vice versa, others will try to do something to see others fall
Physically tired is make sense, but emotionally? Duh...

Hope she will have better life after everything she gone through
Can do much to help but consoled
Felt the same as her feeling though
Thought everything is running well, in fact, Not
Tired... damn tired

The Face - RyanDan

2008-06-27T12:37:00.001+08:00

Traveler of the great dividesVagrant on a path to life
Everyday feels a little closer
To where it is that you're headed for
Given to a hope of so much more

For every time you fall apart
There'll be a soul to guide your journey
But if you choose to turn away
There in the mirror
You'll see my face
You'll see my face

Think you're on this road alone
Looking for a truth untold

Many times you've been close to breaking
Giving up and letting go
Something inside says it's not over

For every time you fall apart
There'll be a soul to guide your journey
But if you choose to turn away
There in the mirror
You'll see my face

And when the world crowds your space
Remember days when noise was silent
Now empty vows, loveless displays
Just a sense of knowing
You'd see my face
You'd see my face

* I love this song, i provide lyrics then u all go youtube ok hehehehehe
Hope you all like it too =)

Smooth Life

2008-06-21T14:39:00.000+08:00

Few update from past few weeks

I sprained my ankle again during step class, this time is really bad, i can still feel the pain even though i have been resting for almost 2 weeks.

Last week, when I was walking toward office at around 6.30 am, I passed by Suntec. I saw a security guard sitting on the indoor water fountain near Roots and Fat face. Then suddenly he turned and look at me, then he stood up and walked down from the water fountain and waited for me to walk pass him. Damn, I was so scared because he was keep smiling at me (I think he is a bit retarded), luckily I still can show him my angry face and i try to walk away calmly. Beside, there was few aunties walked behind me. *huih....
Why everytime I will meet these kind of people? What did I do eh? I think I bullied too many 'siau lang' in my previous life!

Last week went massages twice =). Last Saturday with July, then Thursday with Jae (she paid for it tho') hehehehe.

My landlady super duper nice and like to give me food, now i know why I cant lose weight! hahahhahah (by the way, she just gave me dessert) But it doesnt mean that nice = food. LOL

Work, the shift is started and I'm still adapting with the sleeping hour. So far I have not slept well. I heard from somebody before, that if you have a great boss, you colleagues mostly are b@#$*. Other way, if you have nice colleagues then you boss is a killer. Now I get it! Wanna guess which one?
This month, my off days are Monday and Tuesday, *sian...

Last but not least, Ladiessssss, we are going to Bali soon!!!! =)

Mentos!!!

2008-06-05T20:04:00.000+08:00

Ahhh!!!!
So lame and embarrassing incident!!!

I think today is not my day, supposed to leave office at 4 pm, but then I stayed (we actually) until 5 30 pm. Normally we take shuttle bus to mrt station, today 'ke khiang' take bus 133 to Bugis. We (me n Belle) have waited almost 30 minutes for the stupid bus to reach.

The bus finally came at 6 pm. I never took bus to Bugis before, so I just follow Belle. Since she was going to library, before she alight, she reminded me to alight at next stop.
But "Freak..." the bus did not stop at bugis junction, infact it stopped at the bugis mrt, just after KFC.
I still think that's OK, well.. no problem, still near to CF, just opossite. Happily walk, tik tok tik tok 'Ouch, auw.. ahhhh' WHERE IS MY HEEL?!!!!

Do you still remember Mentos Ad? yah, yah, that is what exactly happened to my heel. So embarrassing, swear, and it was around 6 pm plus, can you imagine the crowd? Gosh!!!
Then I sat down and tried to break the right side of my shoes (i was trying to do it professionally and act cool). But I couldnt Break it!

I couldnt think of anything, I called Belle. I really didnt know who I should call. Thanks Belle, she promise me she will come over. While I was waiting for her, almost everyone who passed me would look at me leg. I was thinking what wrong with them, why keep staring at my leg? I felt like a crown (negative way) or superstar (hahahahha).

Then, I saw 1 indian man (a bit siau siau) was walking towards me. I was like 'geezzz, dont do that to me, I cant run'. I really dont know what I did or what i ate early today, that siau Indian guy suddenly stop in front of me. He really freak me out man.....

Like there is a choice, duhhh, I stood up and tried to walk away as normal as i can, then moved to other seat. Dont ask me about surrounding, I didnt dare to look at it! Really sooooo phai se!
20 minutes waiting for Belle was like forever. Finally she came, of course with her laughter she insisted that we have to walk to the taxi stand in Bugis if really want to take taxi home. No choice, then we walked =( fyi, she still took picture with her phone while we were waiting for the traffic light. First, nobody noticed my heel, but since she has to squat down to take the pic, all my surrounding looked my leg. Bingoooo, you win Belle!

Here, Belle's masterpiece. Geezzzzz, i love this shoe and I just wore it not more than 5 times. I hope it can be repaired, *sob

Need Variety...

2008-05-04T20:18:00.000+08:00

This what my colleague always said, "I need variety!"
I think I need it too, in fact, everybody should own it.
Life is so monotonous; wake up, go to work, gym n go home. Dont you think it make you dull?
Can predict what is gonna happen for tomorrow or may be for the whole week, no excitement at all.
I really dont know how to make myself happy.
I used to release it through shopping. But now, FREAK!
I have a strange notion when I shop, especially clothes. I love it, I try it on, the price is right and I will buy if I like it. But now, I dont know what phobia hit me, I never bought the clothes.
My heart keep telling me "dont buy it or you will regret. Can you imagine wearing the same cloth with others and you guys bump each other on the street? Gosh!!! dont buy it and put it back!"
It always work and now I feel something wrong with me ARGH!!!!!!!

One more thing, I really should find a unit asap. I cant stay with owner, it doesnt mean my owner rude, they are great! But i need a house not a room *sob*
I need to do alot of things, gotta lose more weight, have my eyebrow done, buy a fan for my sauna room, plan for a trip and start saving~~~~~~

Not Again...

2008-04-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

I saw pictures of my ex-colleagues to Japan. "Only if " I was still there, may be I will be in the picture too ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I shouldnt have this feeling, they are not for me.
I looked forward for this tour since last year, I supposed to be there, hikzzzzzz.
Sometimes it just unfair or may be I give up too early.
But I no regret to leave the company.
The only thing is, I deserve to go for the tour too, I hit the yearly target, I really HIT it!!!

ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

New Life

2008-04-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

So far everything seems good for me. I have been working for almost 2 weeks, yup still honey moon period, even my job scopes still not really clear, but I'm happy to be part of the team.
I think I have nice colleagues (or may be too soon to judge) but we are really can get along pretty well.

Well, I just moved to my new room for 4 nights. Frankly speaking, I'm not really get use to it yet. I always find excuses not to go home early then end up I spent quite alot outside.
Poor my colleagues and really appreciate them be my company for the past few nights. We went for window shopping (this time really window shop, we walked for 3 hours and didnt buy anything), went for dinners and we even went for happy hours drink at Balacrava. It was really unacceptable spending, but my colleague say "we are girl and single! so dont worry, this is a necessary spending!" What an excuse, but somehow its true eh LOL.

Yah, that is me update! nothing much happen, I just need to go back to gym ASAP.

Confirmation and Indian

2008-03-13T22:28:00.000+08:00

I got it dudes!!!!! Even though the language test very funny and awkward, I did it =). Monday start training. I'm so happy, 'tuing tuing tuing'~~~~~~

Well, here the story before the test. Because I reached there earlier this afternoon, then I walked around and did some window shopping at Millenium Walk. When I was inside Guardian, looking at some body cream (honestly I didnt even know what the heck I was looking at, coz I was too nervous for the test!). Suddenly, an Indian man around 50 walked toward me and show me some kind of certificate;

Indian: Hi, how are you, this is my name card
Me: (look at him suspiciously and abit blurr)
Indian: I come from India? are you Sporean?
Me: (stupidly answer) No, I'm Indonesian
Indian: You look happy in your face, but inside you are sad, so sad. You just have broken heart, you just break up with you boy friend. (broken heart dari mana, yg ada mah desperate buat kerja)
Me: Huh?!
Indian: Now, there are 2 men who like you, one love your appearance and the other one love your heart. Give me your name and date of birth, I will tell you more
Me: No, thanks!

Then I walked away, no no, I run away from that store. Gosh..... whats wrong with that guy. Then I continued to explore the candy store, I still got 30 minutes to kill before interview times =D

Do You Believe It?

2008-03-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

Went for 2nd interview this morning and turn out my interviewer is 'bule'. How the interview goes, will tell you later. The most interesting fact she was telling me is 'Sporeans discriminate westerners'. Erghhhh... I disagreed with her and said Sporean treat westerners so damn well or I can say they treat westerners like a king (give me five if u agree with me).

It was started when she asked about my life in Canada. Then I said, I like everything, the people, the friendliness, the weather and the customer service over there is two thumbs up. 'How about here?' she ask. I say 'Its totally different'. Surprisingly she agreed with me, she said customer service over here very bad (can u imagine, she is 'ang mo' and she feel that way, how about us?). Then she started telling me about how her friends decided to go back to Aussie because couldnt bare with everything in Spore and Sporean itself. I told her, they are not the one who suppose to face this discrimination; in fact, us, Indonesian, Filipino, Thai and Mainland people who are facing it.

The conclusion of our 'what so call out of interview' topic has ended up she surprised me and I surprised her with all the facts from our point of view. But I still told her that I love Spore (as a country) and still can bare with the people =D

How was the interview goes? *Sigh.....
Everything was perfect until we discussed about my work experiences. She kind of disappointed on my job hopping. I really being honest with her about everything like telling her about breaking the contract and paying the penalty (of course she shocked) and about my regret towards the decisions that I made. Should I tell her a bit white lie for my own sake? But at the end I did convince her that this is the job that I want though.
She said If i got shortlisted again, I should be able to start work on next monday and this few days will get a call for a language test (its a bahasa Indonesia language test :P).

Funny

2008-02-04T21:07:00.000+08:00

Heard something funny at Bugis Village today

2 guys were walking behind me talking about what they should have for lunch

A: their chicken rice is good e
B: really? i heard the duck not bad too
A: huh? they got duck me?
B: got, my friend tried before
A: oh... should be latest version ar, last time they only got chicken rice

Alamak, 'latest version' emang bebek ada berapa version???????

2 more days...

2008-02-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

They might look forward for it but absolutely not here
'You should come back earlier, you have nothing to do there too right?'
Yes, doing nothing here except gym gym and gym
Really dont think ready to go back
Kinda mess up with career now
Should regret on what have decided?

Have no plan for the future at all
Damn picky on the job, is that wrong?
Only realize things arent that simple when they started step in and try to solve it!
Convinced them will solve it by own, end up everything became awkward
Stubborn, egoist, selfish, pride... you name it, dont really care anymore!
Sometime it feels sad but mostly numb

This year... unprepared new year
No excitement like previous years
Scare to go back home town
How to convince everybody that everything is fine
Might end up going back for good though
Should I?

Back Home...

2008-01-14T20:28:00.000+08:00

I'm home dudes. Nothing special for the trip. In fact, only for the first day we (me, mikie, hadi and his gf) have visited 3 places; gading, mangga2 and TA. Mikie companied me for the first night since nora and agnes only reach by tomorrow. We spent most of our time in our room 1025. Chatted a lot, tried to keep updated all news that we have been missed for the past 3 years and enjoyed our 'single' talks lol.

2nd day, we spent whole day with the bride having our nail done. It was fun, just feel like tai tai wanna be, sitting in the nail salon and gossiping around. (WHOLE DAY!!), the picture shows why we enjoyed it so much =) (Nora and xin xin (the bride) monopolize the cozy chairs)
The D day come, we hit the nearest salon near the hotel. Very excited at first, but the result..... OH MY GOSH! It was a disaster, none of us like it. I look like kindergarten kid with short curly hair and the fringe just like I'm ready for shower. Agnes even untied her entire hair at the end. After got out from salon, we run to guardian to buy a hairspray.
Once reached the room, each of us booked the mirror and tried to do something with the hair (lucky the room got 3 big mirrors). dont forget, we are girl and we always nag. That exactly what we did, we complaint and complaint until we satisfied with the look. (not satisfy though, but at least better).
We ready for the parteeeyyy!!!

Finally I Travel

2008-01-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

Have been waiting for one month to find a way out from Spore, finally I have a chance to travel. I'm going to Jakarta tomorrow to attend Xin's wedding. Will meet Nora too =) after dont know how many donkey years never met. Very very excited. Although its only 4 days trip, hope I can be a better person and 'really' ready to start my new life when i came back here. (finger crossed)

Well, Hadi will become my tour guide for a day in Jakarta and we are going to meet up with Mikie too, thanks a bunch pak hadi....

Started sending my resume, in fact went to 1 interview. Frankly speaking, until now I still dont feel it right. Everything just not right for me. This way wrong, that way too complicated, another way might be too risky Aihhh...

Been emotional spending too; paid 1 year up front for gym, signed up for personal trainer that not really giving huge different result compare to working out in class basis. Tried not to shop too much, but still spent some on it (this time I have better self control on impulse buying though).

After found a good job for myself, next is moving time... gotta find new place to stay. Life is challenging eh!

Move on to 2008

2008-01-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

I hope for better year, i guess everybody wish for it too.
I really fell like starting my life all over from zero, which i don't know whether I should be happy or sad.
Today, start browsing jobstreet (sound familiar eh! especially for jobless men), I confused. Yes, indeed!!! Last year when i browsed on the same web, confidently i knew which field, position and even company that i wanted to go to. Now? Duh!!!

Happy when saw 'banking/financial' words on the page; but when i clicked and 'insurance industry' pop up on my screen, i closed it ASAP and all bad memories flied around my head AGAIN.
It just too hard to forget all the uncomfortable experiences. If i saw a family in the public, either they are malay, chinese or indian; out of sudden i could picture them as my client, who were listening to my presentation, giving me full of rejection and showing me their unfriendly faces. Honestly I was scare, really scare. I wish i could just run away to somewhere nobody knows me. (I know I'm weird and think too much!)
At night, especially passed by huge HBD flats, all those memories would just freshly wake up from my mind. I hate myself, why i couldnt control my feeling, why i couldnt see the bright or happy side instead of uncomfortable one. Why, why why?!
Sometimes i wish to lose my memories only for the past 5 months. I know it sounds selfish and i should be blessed on those priceless experiences that i gained instead. sigh...

It is not a good and healthy wish for 2008 though. It just like running away from reality *sigh...
Yes, I should move on and start from zero again, i guess. I wish myself good luck in my career and never ever made impulse decisions again!

Anyway, just want to share, I still love Jim Brickman, it reminds me to Windsor, small quiet peaceful place to live. Every time i listen the songs, I can imagine myself walking from the campus to 'rosedale' house =) with windy fall or even snowing winter. Sound silly eh! but i love that feeling.

I wanna....

2007-12-05T11:06:00.000+08:00

I wanna get out from here for a while.. any suggestion dudes?

What is Success?

2007-11-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

Still dont understand why a lot of people think rich means success *sigh...
In my life... to be honest, I never thought that you can measure success using money.
Rich people.... actually they were sacrificed a lot of things before they earned it, this including their closest or love one (trust me for this, i experienced it in my life)

Today, i learned something from my friend. In fact, he is facing financial problem now and has outstanding loan that need to be settled. Here our conversation

S :Eh, I talked to boss already about quitting
J : Really ar? so what he said?
S : As usual lo, u know our boss lah, never give up one keep motivating lo
J : Yah lo. he also talked to me last week and asked me to find out what i want in my life
S : Same lah, he also asked me to find out, but now i find what i dont want
J : What?
S: I dont want this job n this life. I told u before what I never feel happy since 2nd appointment. How about you?
J : Me ar... first I thought that money is my first priority lah. But now after I think about it, money is not everything for me and money is not what i want in the 1st place. I still searching what i want in my life ar.
S : (I really surprised when he told me money is not everything for him)

And from this conversation I learned new thing. Not all people in financial problem will think money is a problem solver in their life. I'm so glad he think that way, i really do.
I mean, he still has to find out how to get money to settle his financial problem but at least he wont assume money is everything.

Just be real, everybody like money. Even myself, I love shopping and it means i love money too. But I really hate when people take money as granted. I mean 'granted' is every every every things (you should know what i'm trying to say here)

A friend told me "success people do the things they dont like to do"
Anybody agree with this sentence? even my boss told me before. It still doesnt make sense for me. Bill Gates? Warren Buffet? Oprah? are they doing something that they dont like?

Anyway, what is success then?

Coming Back Home

2007-11-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Heading home this Wednesday to attend cousin's wedding
Feel happy yet not really excited
Bought some Bee Cheng Hiang back
Really have no idea what I should buy back *sigh
Found my goldish top to match with my Batik skirt for the dinner
Too bad, I dont really satisfy with the top (yeah, it was last minute shopping)

Working wise, hmnnn not really stressful (for those who know, I only work 2 days for last week *wink *wink)
Indeed, guess I'm learning to control my mind though
Have no idea why I like, super duper love, to think
From nothing I will think until it creates 'something'
Someone told me 'success people are those who like and always think' DAH!!! yg bener aja, itu bukan sukses lagi.. uda gila kali.

Love this weekend, enjoy yet tireless
Went out to our neighborhood fooling around
Taking picture and mess around inside CC (evidences are shown!!)
Spent almost 3 hours at McD discussing married life, debating how men and women should behave in the family, what lead a couple divorce and how society behave to it.

Dudes, we should spend more times to do this kind of craziness
It feels good ya!!!

Past 25 Years

2007-11-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

Life that I had for the last 25 years 5 months 23 days

- Decent life, yup really decent
- Easy life. Yes, pretty easy, effortless life. Need anything just said it out, but have to say it to the right target :P ( Well well well it wont work every time though)
- Pampered too much by family. I'm blessed dudes, so blessed for it. I'm a spoil wreck!
- Run away from problems rather than solve it
- Worst come to worst, just let it go....
- Find new life as easy as blinking my eyes (take note, what I mean by this life is just a small part of my life that gave trouble to me, not my whole life like families n' buddies)
- Burdenless
- Depend my life to much and take everything that I have as granted
- Cry seems like can settle every problem (sstttsss...)
- I hate people force me to do things, even I knew thats for my own good
- Give up is so damn easy until I don't even know what 'give up' means.
- Pretty bad eh!
- Too much good life, I don't even remember when was the last time I struggled with life. Or I never have!
- Decision making, hmnnn... I barely decide for myself (*thinking hard* what big decision that I have ever made?) Any clue?

Good life eh! I really appreciate and thanks for everything that You gave me.

So, What I need and what I want to be from now on?

Not Happy

2007-10-28T22:53:00.000+08:00

Is this life I wanted?

- Dont feel happy even closed cases
- Family and cousins visited but didnt have times for them
- Even have, mentally and physically were too tired to entertain them
- Made them worried too much
- Weekend haunted by worries
- Passed weekdays with demoralizes and uncertainties feeling
- Keep wandering why people never be satisfied
- Previous job too easy ended up felt useless and hopeless
- Current job feels too much!
- *Sigh...
- Cant stop here though
- Dont want to be a lil girl who always asked protection and kept giving silly excuses to stay in the comfort zone
- Have been moving too far, cant stop here or will become loser forever

BUT

- Still, too much (again)
- Still, cant find the bright side of everything
- Still, doing alot of readings hope to discover something useful
- Yes, it helped though, but
- Too bad, it just as instant as the thunder strike
- Friends ask ' why you have to continue if you are not happy?'
- Cant really have the answer for that

Still, waiting, searching and hoping to find the meaning of my life now

Tuing Tuing....

2007-09-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

Weekend is here. No plans, no activities, no worries erghhh at least for the next 2 days LOL.
Feel likes going somewhere peaceful, simple, beautiful, quiet ( i must be dreaming now hahahha).

What I'm doing now is not really fun yet not torturing as well. So far, I have knocked around 2200 doors and got 194 people donate. I do not know it is a good figure to show or suckz. From the above number that shown, you all should be able to measure how thick is my face now. I welcome all rejections without trying to handle it then give a smile and walk away. Sometimes I worry one day my face will cramp because smile too much...

I don't know what should I up date now, coz I don't want to complain so much on what I'm going through right now. The bottom line is just NO turning point for me at this moment. So, everyday just looks forward for the weekends hehehhe.

One thing that I really wish I can get it now is a CAR. Funny thing is, I don't know how to drive LOL. Every time when I was traveling from east to west and standing in between of the crowd inside public transportation, I wander how nice if I have a car uihhhh.....

I think i write too much crap today. Honestly I'm freaking tired and just because tomorrow is weekend then I don't want to sleep. Weirdo eh!

The Hardest Things

2007-09-02T00:57:00.000+08:00

Confident enough by saying "I know what I'm doing" , but hell, it is not, i don't know what and why I was doing it. Damn.
"Others can do it, of course you can do it too right?" simple sentence has brilliant meaning but has none feeling for me
.
Fighting with my own ego, keep telling myself that I'm doing the right things, yes I'm doing the right things (yeah.. I' m not killing robbing or molesting people Dahhhh stupid).
But it just didn't work sometimes. The problem is I'M SCARE!!!!!
What the hell I'm scare of huh? I DON'T KNOW...

This is the most pathetic moment when you stand in the middle of no where and confusedly convincing yourself that you are in the right path and you should just continue to walk even your HEART has a big hesitate to do it.

Oh geez... I think this blog will fill with all of my junks.
- I don't like knocking on people door at night
- I don't like to beg people for donation
- I don't like people slam the door in front of me
- I don't like working at night, I'm damn freaking scare of dark!!!
- I don't like those stupid citizen stare and scold me like I'm a bugger (What the #$#%$, I can even buy your HDB if i want. That's my ego tell me when I stress out)

I know, I know this is a process. Just sometimes I cant take it, I really cant bare with it. I hate forcing myself do things that I don't like. Now, I'm really pushing myself to do it. Don't know where is the limit but hopefully my limit is unlimited.

Up and Down

2007-08-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

Last few days felt fascinating, today feel empty, tomorrow may be excited.
Easy to get motivated, pretty easy to fall down as well.
Try not to complain too much, try to think positively all the time, try to show the capabilities to others. It sound easy but yet complicated.
Full of hope yesterday, disappointed today, unpredictable tomorrow.
Thought perhaps hormone change causes sadness, doubt it though.

Jealousy and selfishness lead wind become thunder.
Simple things get worse because of simple 'thing'.
Your closest one might be your enemy, your enemy might end up be your buddy.
Setting a goal may give better direction; without a clear direction, how to set a goal?
All creatures have a dream, will the dream come true? or will it be just hang around your mind?

Love what I'm doing now, will love more if know what I will do for tomorrow.
Promise is a hope, what happen if a promise just be the promise?
Not regret really no regret on what's going on now....
It just freaking hard...
Out there tried to motivate, it works though but it wont last, it just like a wind pass by, as fast as clicking the mouse.

Instead of sympathy, prefer to receive normal treatment from audiences.
Sue really knows what she is doing now, so just let her do.

Finding New Life

2007-07-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

Been working for 1 week, not really officially working though, just training. Just a week, yah just 6 days training, I keep asking myself alot and alot of questions. I really dont know where to find the answers. I'm tired asking people opinions. It is my decision, I have to bare with it.

Actually it wasnt that bad. So far I came back from training with satisfaction and happy feeling. Just today, I feel a little bit down. I know the reason why I felt that way though. I try to motivate myself to be strong and dont concern too much on small matters. I tried, but cant. Still, small problem is still a matter for me, I cant let it go... hikz.

This morning Liza sms and asked me to join her b'day lunch on wednesday. Gosh, I cant go because I have courses that need to attend. Felt bad then promised her to have lunch together on friday instead. Then, Ci Feny asked me to come over to her place to have dinner on friday nite to celebrate Rafael's b'day, I cant go neither because I got seminar that is a 'must' and cant be cancelled.

Its bad , pretty bad. I know my lifestyle wont be same as before. Perhaps I just need to adapt and make some adjustment with it. I really scare on failing and giving up before I see any result. I hope I wont do any stupid mistake eh!

Counting Time

2007-07-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

Passed all the tests, but the excitement has gone. Dont feel excited anymore like few weeks ago before the tests. Start work immediately, no problem, ... if they allowed me to have break, even better. As you know insurance people are 'pushy". Ooppss... I become one of them soon, die lah.....

My bad feeling towards this job:
- No more nice + 'siau' colleagues
- No more online chatting
- No more 9 - 6 working hours
- No more gym, gym and gym
- Must wear SUPER formal
- Hot hot hot + perspire + sticky eeww!!!
- Make-up is a MUST arghhhh
- Working hours weird, 2 -10 pm
- Colleague should be suckx too (i guess)
- Customer might be nasty
- Prefer me to speak mandarin, aiyo.. my mandarin like nasi campur, Mandarin + indon+hokkien+english. You think the clients will understand what I said? hohohohohoho

( so far these are the bad things that I can think of it, I will up date u all after I joined them)
Erghh... seems like I got a mission to be an undercover to find out how bad is the company instead of joining them for good reason hahahahhahahha. Whatever lah!

Then, why i decide to join them?... ??????...???? good question, why ah?
hmnnn.... 'may be' yah 'perhaps', Im just curious and I got feeling that I will learn something new from them, even I'm not sure if I can even sell 1 policy in 1 month or not hehehehehehe. Yah, I just want to know how this business works, it might be fun though. But the tests are NOT fun at all.

If I faield, I might think of be a property agent hahahhahaha.

Not Good Not Good

2007-06-30T20:48:00.000+08:00

The tests almost make me crazy. 3 tests, failed 2, retaken 1 finally passed. This Tuesday has to retake another one. Exhausted =(

Next week is my last day with HP and Xcellink though. Well, actually from the 1st day I worked until now, Im not sure whether I belong to HP or Xcellink, whatever.... Will be having a nice last lunch with my colleagues at Holland V. A bit sad living them too =(

I started have a bit pessimist thinking eh. Am I making a right decision ``` blurrr``` yeah, that's me, thats what people say 'plin plan + nga ada pendirian yg kuat' sigh... Perhaps these 3 tests make me sick of it. Cant give up though, have been sacrifice too much, at least must give it a try (die die also have to try lah hahahaha, i learn new words in Spore). I give myself 6 months =) and I hope it enough to show if i'm capable or not.

Actually i dont really have a good reason why I join this company. Really, I dont know...
What am I doing eh? It seems like a dream, i made a huge changes only in a month i guess. Changes that I'm not even sure for it. Aiiihhhhh..... Really need an emotional support and a good guidance, wish Dalai Lama will visit Spore one day. =D

MC = Study

2007-06-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

I passed my resignation letter to my manager. Surprisingly, he didnt shock w/ my decision, in fact he has expected I will leave the company soon =). He is the best manager that i knew (well he is my 1st manager too hehehe), he gave alot of advices for me to move on. He say "Its not a bad new, its a good new for me and you. Im really happy to see my staffs find out whatever right for themselves. You have to work really hard, if can you have to work 7 days a week for the first 6 months then you will see the result. Wish you all the best k'." Thanks Richard, for you support!!!

These few days very exhausted, has been studying for days and still, still alot, Hikzx. Luckily I got 2 days MC. No, I wasnt sick. I had a procedure done for my face treatment called chemical peeling treatment. The effect for the treatment pretty bad. I felt burning in my face, alot of burn scar and red mark. Somehow look like sun tan, but look more like skin diseases =( .
I went back to the doctor and he gave me 2 days MC =). Just right timing to study eh.

Overall got 3 exams that held on 15, 19 and 22 June. I better do it right. I cant imagine if i failed one of them sigh..... If I passed ( i will pass =)) I will join the company by beginning of next month. Got to go back to study now aih.....

Move On

2007-06-07T13:38:00.000+08:00

I'm going to give my resignation letter tomorrow. A bit nervous, but I have already set my mind. Whatever reason, i will give it a try. I bet there isnt any good life for me in the future job. Forget about msn chatting and fav youtube, I dont think i have time to see my dear roomates. Dudes.. gosip gosip waktu dinner bakal berkurang nih... hikz...

Actually I've sacrificed alot for this job. I will resign before my contract end, no year end bonus, no sweet colleagues and no funny manager. I got to pay for the MOCK exam (I have to pass this test before enter to their business) and cost me $291.60, not cheap though. I stop my japanese class with an excuse got to prepare for the month end Mock exam (i know its nothing related, stupid excuses). It means that my japanese tuition fees just walk away with an old blind man. Sigh***

I need your helps dudes, next time if I planned to learn anything, you all please stop me before i do it half way, please! For my own good and you all too. Because you will hear less complain and nag from me LOL.

I Try.....

2007-05-31T22:46:00.000+08:00

Well, I got my 2nd job interview tomorrow. Actually I've been thinking this few weeks that I need something more for my life. I did plan to go banking or property field for my next job.

It happened on tuesday nite, I dont know this is miracle in a good way or bad way. My insurance's agent called me and she need my signature that she forgot to ask me to sign previously. Ok, after work we met and signed. Chatted for a while, told her about my plan looking for new job. A bit shock when out of the blue she asked whether i got time or not coz' she can call her manager to talk to me. Then i dont know conscious or unconscious I said YES! (even I wasnt in a proper formal wear for interview, sandal + quarter jeans =))

Then we talk at HAN'S near Rafles from 7:30 - 10:00 pm. It was interesting, abit relax talk, abit interview here and there, laugh alot. Finally he asked me whether want to join him or not. Well, maybe because I've been planning to change my job and sick of office routine work, my gut tell me that I have to try, have to move on because this is the right time.

I know this is not easy job, most of my friends even my mom surprised when i told them. "Are you sure? after you became insurance agent, all your friends will run away from you." "Can you take it? you have to run outside to see clients. do you know it?" "Your routine life will change, girl" "There isnt any basic salary you know" Yeah yeah I know all about it. But I've already fixed my mind. I have nothing to lose, I will try. If I couldn't take it, the worst case I will just find back admin office job. Yeah, I have nothing to lose.

I 'm so bore of office work that everyday doing the same things. My life been so monotonous. But actually I never thought or imagined myself to join in insurance / sales environment too. I have always hate sales job, even though i was marketing student.

Yeah, people do change and i feel that this is the time for me to change. Thanks for all of my friends who support me; although I know they are a bit worry for me too.

Which groups you belong to?

2007-05-29T14:04:00.000+08:00

I read somebody blog today, which keep me wandering; Perhaps, i should think like her.
" I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. The harder I work the more I live. Life is a torch that I want to burn as bright as possible before handling to future generation."

Then another friend told me a story and asked which group i belong to;
" there are 3 types of employees;
1. Chicken, as long as the chickens still productive, the cattleman will feed them as much as they can. fat + healthy chicken = good $$$. After no longer productive, it will be killed and here welcome your KFC.
2. Rat, rat always work very hard to get a cheese. After got the food, it will eat bit by bit and continue hunting for the food again.
3. Eagle, very aggressive, never wait for the prey to come instead hunt for it."

So, which animal you belong to? Hmnnn.. Ergh.... I dont know, i dont think i belong to any of them. Then my friend kept insist that i should belong to one of them because everybody does. I told him .. too bad, I'm really not belong to anyone. I'm still wandering who am I? Which field should I go in? Can I do it or may I enjoy it?

Yes, still and still too many stupid questions running on my mind. What a pathetic plan for my future. 25 years old + 18 days, and i still hanging around somewhere else. Sigh....

I always admire those people, especially women who are success in their career. I wish i can be one of them =). Just wish and dream but act less (my motto) LOL.

One Day Free

2007-05-18T12:34:00.000+08:00

Finally I have a chance to use my MC =). Actually I just pretended to look sick when i went to doctor last nite even though i was so tired for this whole week. Tried to convince the doctor that I need MC for today and gave a bunch of reasons.

Doc: How to pronounce your name? Su.. su.. suraini?
Me: Suriany, doctor. (I will really impress if any foreigner can spell my name correctly at the 1st time)
Doc: You r not feeling well?
Me: Well, actually I need MC for tomorrow doctor.
Doc: Why?
Me: My whole body sore and headache, its been a week and I am exhausted.
Doc: Any fever?
Me: No
Doc: Sore throat?
Me: No
Doc: Running nose?
Me: Hmnnn.. no (a bit worry wont get MC, I need to lie a bit!!)
Doc:Any stomach discomfort?
Me: Yeah yah... my gastric flared up and this part of my stomach hurt too (pointing to left side of my stomach, actually my tummy hurt because of pilates last night :P, but the gastric part is true eh!)
Doc: Hmnn.. ok, let me see your tongue.
---------------------------
See your eyes
----------------------------
Now, I will check your temperature
----------------------------
Ok, well... you have a fever 37.5
Me: Huh?! really? (I dont know my feeling at that time, should be happy or mnn....)
Doc: Yeah, you got fever, and its answer why you feel tired. i will give you MC for tomorrow
Me: Thanks alot doctor. (Yeppiiii, that what I want hahha, I dont even care I have fever, I just want a rest)

Now, I stay at home, woke up late, watched Ellen DeGeneres, slept again and end up feeling dizzy because sleep too much hahahhaa.

Does Singapore change me?!!!

2007-05-08T16:40:00.000+08:00

Some of you guys (I think most of you) heard this story before. I used to hate Singaporeans so much but now hmnnnn (masih kali ye). I have encountered some bad experiences before I decided to stay here for long term. I always have tonnes of tonnes of excuses when my parents asked me to stay here until I was graduated and left no choices.

I shouldnt say that all Singaporeans bad, no no I should say 'unfriendly' instead of bad. I made friends with some of nice people at the gym place (even most of them arent as same age as me). My colleagues are also nice, we can get along very well.

Then, I started to find some what i call 'weird' things about singaporean.

1. First week at work, I tried to be friendly with all human being who work at the same floor as me (i guess around 100 people). I wasnt that thick skin (what my colleagues always call me) that go over ppl cubicle and talk. Its just a smile, please just a smile and my colleagues said I'm thick skin and over friendly =(. I asked them why ppl in our floor not friendly at all, then they asked why.
Me: I saw this girl in toilet, i know she just sit next to our cubicle then I smile at her. But she give that fierce look like i want to rob her. (may be something wrong with my smile hahahhaa)
Colleagues: hahahahhahahha, why u smile at people without any reason, of course they will think you are Siau lah. (They keep laughing and then told my manager, my manager say "Sue is a warm and friendly person what". I dont know its a compliment or what, but all of them keep laughing. Sigh...)

Oh my God, do I need a reason just to smile?! Then i thought may be that lady have a bad day, but I was wrong. Tired of smiling for a month then I stop and dont expect that we will make friend with others.

2. I dont know what happen will all guys, sometimes our jobs need us to carry boxes and move things. Around 6 months working here, none of them have ever offered help (actually we dont really need their help too, its just a woman's ego i guess :P). Forget about HELPING, they wont even hold the door for you. SUCKXXXX!!! Its really a different world and people if you compare between Canadian and Singaporean.

3. One gentleman, no I should call him LOSER, came to us in our 1 weeks work. He say "So, you all are new provisioning team eh, then u all will distribute out the token to asia and emea right? You know what, because of having this new team, all my IT mobile people have to end their job because they arent needed anymore" Then he left. In fact this loser is a manager, yah it happened only by today we knew he is manager. I cant imagine as a manager, he acted like that. His unprofessional behaviour should keep him as a office boy forever. Too bad, sometimes we still need his help though.

If you all think I'm too sensitive with singaporean, its a NO NO and NO. Even my colleagues (all of them singaporean), they admit that this environment is terrible but they dont care. They said as long as we finish our work and our manager treat us well, Its fine. Thanks God by giving me nice colleagues.

May be this is what they call working environment. Got it now!!!

So, Does Singapore Change Me?
NO..... I'm still my mom's sien, my friend's sur and my colleagues' sue sue sue ( i dont know why they like to call my name 3 time ,then i have to reply them yes,yes,yes lol). Keep Smiling =), it will brighten your day.

No offend to Singaporean though, its just my opinions and experiences in my workplace =P

PEACE!!!!!

Money is NOT Everything

2007-05-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

Kind of outdated, I just read this new today. Actually it happened on 23 April, but yeah I never read newspaper. Just an hour before, we got to know from a friend next to our cubical. Everybody started reading the forward and ended up speechless for a while then we guessed who, which one, when, how...

One lady, 29 years old, died because stress of the work load, and the bottom line --- she was working in HP, as a new zealand team that have to come to work at 4.30 am everyday!!!!!!! Yeah HP, I wander whether she worked as same floor as me or may be same outsource company as I'm working for..???!!!

Some more, she just joined this company last September and transferred to this what they so call ' stress' department ONLY for 2 months. Guys, you all have to read the news and blogs (I attach the link at the end of this blog). Its so sad...

I think it is a wake up call for those who are workaholic (absolutely not me!!!). What an excuse eh!

http://digital.asiaone.com.sg/news/20070501_001.html

http://pinkmayflower.multiply.com/journal

Nothing Much!!!

2007-05-03T16:27:00.000+08:00

Wawa: how r u sien? anything new?
Sien: ok, nothing much
----------------------------
Sia: hi dear, how its going?
Sien: ok, nothing much
----------------------------
Diella: Pa kabar mak?
Sien: ok lo, nothing much
----------------------------
Vivi: how life there sien ci?
Sien: ok lah, nothing much

Oh gosh.... is there any other words than 'nothing much' sigh*

My life too monotone eh! Like a huge of mahogany wood standing at middle nowhere. Morning, wake up and rushing for work, sleep in the train, finally reach office with panda eye. Replying hundred of emails (a lot eh!) but its only take 1/2 day to finish it at the most. Go for lunch at 11 30, come back at 1 pm (its the earliest time), if we did some window shopping, then will reach office at 2pm.

After lunch, heaven is coming. Youtube, radio, blogging, chatting, gossiping, you name it (except sleeping hehehe). Sometimes we even have a tea break. Where is my manager? He is in Germany. so.... yeah.. u get it rite? At 6 pm sharp, everybody go home with tired face and painful ear, its because we watch too much Youtube wearing earphone~~~~

Some of you guys will wish to have this kind of job eh. Yeah, i admit it, i do enjoy it too. But now i feel useless and pretty much hopeless for it. Looking for new job though (havent even update my resume) Blahhhh!!! Always complain and plan to find new job but never act =(, yeah that's Choco. May be I'm still living with denial that I'm too scare to leave my comfort life, no no should be my 'comfort' job.

I really feel that 'nothing much' in my life. Any song title "nothing much"? Is everybody life same as me? I mean like wake up, working, going home, sleep and the same things keep repeating day by day? I miss school/uni time so much. *hikz~~

Labor Day

2007-05-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

None of my plans have been fulfilled, like go shopping (I need it badly, so stressed last few weeks), have my manicure done, get some art stuffs to retouch my bedroom that already pending for a month.

Blahhh, its all because of my stupid aircon is leaking.. yeah is leaking and still leaking now. I have to move my bed, which from now on i have no spaces to walk. 3 big pails, newspapers and alot of cloths are standing and laying proudly below the aircon Dahh... I hope the water didnt spoil my owner's floor.

I called the aircon service guy and expecting he would come and fix it asap. Yeah i know its impossible, its LABOR DAY. Tired of begging him, finally we agreed to fix it on Saturday (he offered to come on weekdays but everybody is working though sigh...).
3 more days, sleeping with pails and 'healing' water sound, tes tes teessss.

Ended up stay at home for the whole day doing brainless things :D. Thanks khebo (he prefer us to call him kebo rather than his real name, sorry for you dude) for downloading HEROS. Its so COOL. Bo, we are still waiting for the next episodes, when you are going to DL? Dont forget Ugly Betty too. Di kasi hati minta jantung nih hehehe.

Actually thanks for the leaking aircon too, I save my money from emotional shopping =).

Timeless

2007-04-30T15:06:00.000+08:00

' You cant get everything you wanted, have to sacrifice either one though' someone remind me with this sentence.
Its so true, when you try to forgo one and receive another one at the same time, you will just feel relieve. Time is just too short for me to achieve both of them. Sometimes i wish to have 48 hours per day.... but hmnn... 8 hrs work / day is enough =D

Last Saturday, woke up at 6 am, ready at 7 am, waiting bro's sms to tell me that he will reach soon, waited waited and waited still nil until 8 am. Finally my phone rang at 8 20, disappointingly he still in Malaysia somewhere out there. I started cursing that stupid bus and worrying that I might late for my 1st japanese class at 9 am. Then almost 9 pm, hopelessly, I picked up the phone and called bunka. Even though I missed the 1st class that they will replaced for me by next week, i felt good after the called. I dont know how to illustrate it, pokoknya lega deh hbs itu.

Went to Sentosa on Sunday, Blahhhh... Damn Hot!!! Thanks to my bro's friend as a tour guide. ME? hehehe? I shelter myself from the sun at the bus stop, souvenir stores, under the trees & small tattoo booth =D. i didnt mind sit & stand at the bus stop for an hour (yeah its boring but i rather wait there than torturing my skin). Guess how many tattoos i made =)? this time is fakes tattoo dudes, one is enough for me hehehehehhe.

Tired weekend, Thanks God tomorrow is public holiday uihhhhh..... want to pamper myself, dont have any plan yet, we'll see how.

Report to you all by then ok *wink*

Down Down ... Blaak!! Jatuh!!

2007-04-26T15:29:00.000+08:00

Past few days were miserable for me. Actually it was just tiny misunderstood between me n my bro but because I'm too stubborn (i admit it), things turn even worst aihhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
It's nobody wrong, not him not me, everybody just get too tired and frustrated. Hope this dark cloud can clear soon =(

Far far far... ridiculous journey for me travelling from tampines to alexandra EVERYDAY. first i thought it's ok, will get used to it. No...No... almost a month now n still complaining about the distance (it's take almost 3 hours for round trips though).
Dear housemates, we still have to survive until next year March.

Because of this, I have brilliant excuses to skip my routine. Instead of joining 2 classes at gym, now 1 is more than enough. Can u imagine how many fats that still waiting to be burned.
Japanese class start this Saturday, if not because I have already paid, for sure i will cancel the class. Now I have to deal "moshi moshi watashiwa Sue des" with it for 2 months..........

I just feel mentally tired these few days, really need a break..... Thanks all folks at home for your nonsenses 'jayus' jokes that make me laugh. Hidup Makan!! that's our motto LOL.

Welcome To Choco's House

2007-04-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

Hi.. hi..
After read all blogs, blogs and blogs from you all, i decided to write mine too =)
I always assumed that blog=diary=personal thing=secret==>CONFIDENTIAL!!! & shouldn't be shared w/ public. But now I try to think the other way around hehehe.

When you write something here, people will give comments / feedback / advices/ even nonsenses, which I like it (this is the reason and the only reason i start my blog kekeke) - I hope u all give best ingredients to my choco cottage eh =)

Btw, I'm still 'dodol' to design my blog page. Need help eh, if anything wrong or misplace or whatever reason you just dont like the features, left or right, top or bottom, let me know ok.

I think should be enough for 1st blog . Cape ketiknya. Still got 45 minutes to go home though.

Please shows some love here dude....

~~** Choco Cottage **~~